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UK graduate and postgraduate students

UK graduate and postgraduate students a9gw
The provided bar charts show the number of graduate degree holder and highly educated people, who did not work for full time after their college in United Kingdom in specific year. Overall trend of getting higher education was observe in both graduates as well as post graduates. While working part time was second most common practice seen among students. It is clear that ratio of graduate students were more as compare to post graduates. Bachelor degree holders, with almost dominant rate of 30 million students used to study for their post graduation degree. However, very significant number of students i. e. around 17 millions worked part time. Contrary to that 16, 235 students were jobless in year 2008 after graduation, while less number i. e. just 35 thousand worked without salary. Percentage of post graduate students were one third of total graduate adults. But those students were also keen to gain more knowledge and a prominent portion of students started study for PhD and so on, except less than 400 students. While 2535 of them did part time job after their university. Half of the number were remain unemployed whereas, only 345 students work without pay.
The provided bar charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
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number
of
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graduate
degree holder and
highly
educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who did not work for full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
after their college
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the United Kingdom".
in United Kingdom
in specific year.

Overall
trend of getting higher education was
Consider using a past participle here: "observed".
observe
in both
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graduates
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
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post
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
working part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
was second most common practice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
among students.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compare to
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post
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graduates
. Bachelor degree holders, with almost dominant rate of 30 million
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students
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used
to study for their
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post
graduation degree.
However
,
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very
significant
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number
of
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students
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
around 17 millions worked part
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time
. Contrary to that 16, 235
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students
were jobless in year 2008 after graduation, while less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
35 thousand worked without salary.

Percentage of
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post
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graduate
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students
were one third of total
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graduate
adults.
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But
those
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students
were
also
keen to gain more knowledge and a prominent portion of
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students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
study for PhD and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, except less than 400
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students
. While 2535 of them did part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
job after their university. Half of the
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number
Did you mean "where" or "we"?
were
Consider using a past participle here: "remained".
remain
unemployed whereas,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
345
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
work without pay.
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IELTS academic UK graduate and postgraduate students

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
196 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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