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two graphs show the recruitment of local and foreign students to Australian universities

two graphs show the recruitment of local and foreign students to Australian universities gW1N1
The two graphs show the recruitment of local and foreign students to Australian universities over the years 2000-2010. In general, the interest of foreign students is much higher during this period. Their number has quadrupled, while the number of local students is only 1. 5 times. The graph on left hand side gives information about overseas students and the graph on right hand side is about local students. In both of the graphs, X axis indicates years and Y axis indicates number of students enrolled. On the graph, between 2000 and 2010, the total number of international students on the list has risen to 80, 000. Half of these may be new enrollments, about 40, 000 students. Similarly, in case of local students’ total number of students on roll between the years 2000 to 2010 is 600000 out of which 200000 are new enrollments. Thus, in contrast to local Australian students, the graphs show a rather significant trend towards an increase in foreign student enrollment. This upward trend should be indicative of a significant increase in Australian education.
The two
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graphs
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show
the recruitment of
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local
and foreign
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students
to Australian universities over the years 2000-2010.
In general
, the interest of foreign
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students
is much higher during this period. Their
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number
has quadrupled, while the
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number
of
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local
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students
is
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only
1. 5 times.

The
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graph
on
Did you mean the adjective "left-hand"?
left hand
side gives information about overseas
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students
and the
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graph
on
Did you mean the adjective "right-hand"?
right hand
side is about
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local
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students
. In both of the
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graphs
, X axis indicates years and Y axis indicates
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number
of
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students
enrolled.

On the
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graph
, between 2000 and 2010, the total
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number
of international
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students
on the list has risen to 80, 000. Half of these may be new enrollments, about 40, 000 students.

Similarly
, in case of
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local
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students’
total
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number
of
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students
on roll between the years 2000 to 2010 is 600000 out of which 200000 are new enrollments.

Thus
,
in contrast
to
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local
Australian
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students
, the
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graphs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a
rather
significant trend towards an increase in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
enrollment. This upward trend should be indicative of a significant increase in Australian education.
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IELTS academic two graphs show the recruitment of local and foreign students to Australian universities

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
178 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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