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Two glances at the map provided reveals some data concerning way access to the city hospital over the period 3 years (2007-2010) One particularly interesting fact highlighted by the figure is that bus station was far from the city hospital and added near the hospital road after 3 years.

Two glances at the map provided reveals some data concerning way access to the city hospital over the period 3 years (2007-2010) One particularly interesting fact highlighted by the figure is that bus station was far from the city hospital and added near the hospital road after 3 years. Also, in 2010 the new building - roundabout was constructed below the staff car park. There were 5 main buildings around the hospital in 2007. Firstly, the ring road was situated the northern part of city hospital and the hospital road was located its southern side respectively. However, it was the city road under the car park: staff and public in 2007, also the bus stop was located the eastern part of hospital. The city hospital had some changes in 2010. The ring road stayed steady, but the bus station added beside the hospital road in southern west side. However public car park was constructed near the hospital in 2010. Also, in the bottom of hospital the city road was situated.
Two glances at the map provided reveals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
data concerning way access to the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
over the period 3 years (2007-2010)

One
Consider using an extreme adjective for ‘interesting’.
particularly interesting
fact highlighted by the figure is that bus station was far from the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
near the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
after 3 years.
Also
, in 2010 the new building
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
roundabout
was constructed
below the staff car park.

There were 5 main buildings around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
in 2007.
Firstly
, the ring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
was situated
the northern part of city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
was located
its southern side
respectively
.
However
, it was the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
under the car park: staff and public in 2007,
also
the bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
was located
the eastern part of hospital.

The city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in 2010. The ring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
stayed steady,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the bus station
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
beside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
in southern west side.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
public car park
was constructed
near the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
in 2010.
Also
, in the bottom of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
was situated
.
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IELTS academic Two glances at the map provided reveals some data concerning way access to the city hospital over the period 3 years (2007-2010) One particularly interesting fact highlighted by the figure is that bus station was far from the city hospital and added near the hospital road after 3 years.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
170 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Two glances at the map provided reveals some data concerning way access to the city hospital over the period 3 years (2007-2010) One particularly interesting fact highlighted by the figure is that bus station was far from the city hospital and added near the hospital road after 3 years.