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greenhouse gas emissions in the US

The diagram illustrates the main sources of pollution such as electricity or transportation. Moreover, it shows the percentage of elements involved in greenhouse gas emissions in the US in 2015. Overall, it is noticeable, the biggest production came from electricity. The most eco-friendly producer was a residential type. To begin with, the economic sector, electricity, and transportation have 29% and 27%, respectively. These were the largest makers of emissions. The third was gas created in the industry sector, with 21%. Lastly, the lowest production was for agricultural, commercial, and residential purposes. Inasmuch, the average number of these three sectors was around 7. 2%. Furthermore, the rarest components in the greenhouse gas were fluorinated gases. Whereas, only 3% were comprised. Then, it was nitrous oxide with 5%, and methane with 10%. In contrast, the number of carbon dioxide was 4 times greater than the total sum of the previous elements, approximately 82%.
The diagram illustrates the main sources of pollution such as electricity or transportation.
Moreover
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the percentage of elements involved in greenhouse gas emissions in the US in 2015.
Overall
, it is noticeable, the biggest production came from electricity. The most eco-friendly producer was a residential type.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the economic sector, electricity, and transportation have 29% and 27%,
respectively
. These were the largest makers of emissions. The third was gas created in the industry sector, with 21%.
Lastly
, the lowest production was for agricultural, commercial, and residential purposes. Inasmuch, the average number of these three sectors was around 7. 2%.

Furthermore
, the rarest components in the greenhouse gas were
Possible spelling mistake found.
fluorinated
gases.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3%
were comprised
. Then, it was nitrous oxide with 5%, and methane with 10%.
In contrast
, the number of carbon dioxide was 4 times greater than the total sum of the previous elements, approximately 82%.
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IELTS academic greenhouse gas emissions in the US

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
151 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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