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twio map below show an island, before and after construction of some tourist facilities

twio map below show an island, before and after construction of some tourist facilities jmxL
The given two maps below gives the information about some traveler amenities in an island before and after its construction. Overall, these two maps before the island consist of only trees around the area and after the construction, it has a lot of amenities and changes around the island. On the one hand, we can notice that on the first map, before construction, it is a huge island that, Hence like a naked island that consist only trees surrounded by the sea, it has a small beach on the other side of the island. On the other hand, the next map after its contruction. There are a lot of amenities and accomodations that build surrounded the area. On the west part of the island there, is a beach area that you can go for a swimming. There are two areas of accommodation that can be found. Moreover houses are built near by the beach and interconnected with a foothpath to each other encircled, furthermore other accommodations can be found on the other side of the island connected with a foothpath. In addition to that, restaurants is available and connected through the vehicle track which shaped like a circle from the reception. Also they build a pier which can be found at the south of the island wherein people can enjoy water activities. To sum up, there are a lot of infrastructures built for tourist and amenities to enjoy although some part of the island especially in the east part was not developed.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
two
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maps
below gives the information about
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some
traveler amenities in an
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island
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and after its construction.

Overall
, these two
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maps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
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island
consist of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
trees around the
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area
and after the construction, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
amenities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
around the island.

On the one hand, we can notice that on the
first
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map
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
construction, it is a huge
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island
that,
Hence
like a naked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
island
that consist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
trees surrounded by the sea, it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
beach on the
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other
side of the island.

On the
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other
hand, the
next
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map
after its
Possible spelling mistake found.
contruction
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
amenities and
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodations
that build surrounded the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
. On the west part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
island
there, is a beach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
that you can go for a swimming. There are two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
of accommodation that can
be found
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
are built
Did you mean "nearby"?
near by
the beach and interconnected with a
Possible spelling mistake found.
foothpath
to each
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other
encircled,
furthermore
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other
accommodations can
be found
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
island
connected with a
Possible spelling mistake found.
foothpath
.
In addition
to that, restaurants is available and connected through the vehicle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
which shaped like a circle from the reception.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
they build a pier which can
be found
at the south of the
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island
wherein
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can enjoy water activities.

To sum up, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
infrastructures built for tourist and amenities to enjoy although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
island
especially
in the east part was not developed.
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IELTS academic twio map below show an island, before and after construction of some tourist facilities

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
252 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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