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tourists visiting the carbbean island

tourists visiting the carbbean island 11q2q
The line graph below describes the visitors who visited the Caribbean island over 7 years. As seen here the rise of number of people who are visiting this specific island was increasing over 5 years from 2010 to 2015 scoring from 1 million person visiting the island to 3. 5 as overall, then in 2015 people visiting the island were slightly decreased by approximately one hundred thousand person, then gradually came back to its track and gradually increasing again. In first year the people visiting the island were prefering staying on the island according to the numbers about 0. 7 million person prefer to stay on the island rather than the ship, on the other hand, people who tend to stay on the ship significantly increased from year 2010 to 2011, about 0. 2 person prefered to go to stay on the ship, while visitors staying on the island platued as seen in the graph. For the case of those who love staying on the ship large it is slightly peaked again in 2012 getting back to nearly 0. 3 million person prefer staying on the cruise, however, this didn't remain the same, in 2013 it is seen that there enormous increase in people who prefered spending time on the cruise ship to 2017 about 2 million person loved staying on the cruise ship, while number of people loved staying on the island platued from 2013 to 2015 about 1. 5 million visitor prefered staying on the island rather than staying on the ship, later by the end of 2015, it was slightly decreased, then returned to the same point in 2017
The line graph below
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
the visitors
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who
visited the Caribbean
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island
over 7 years.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
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seen
here the rise of number of
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people
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who
are visiting this specific
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island
was increasing over 5 years from 2010 to 2015 scoring from 1
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million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'person' seems to be countable, so consider using: "people", "persons".
person
visiting the
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island
to 3. 5 as
overall
, then in 2015
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people
visiting the
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island
were
slightly
decreased by approximately one hundred thousand
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person
, then
gradually
came back to its
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track
and
gradually
increasing again.

In
first
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year
the
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people
visiting the
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island
were
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prefering
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staying
on the
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island
according to the numbers about 0. 7
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million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'person' seems to be countable, so consider using: "people", "persons".
person
prefer to stay on the
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island
rather
than the
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ship
,
on the other hand
,
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people
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who
tend to stay on the
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ship
significantly
increased from
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year
2010 to 2011, about 0. 2
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person
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prefered
to go to stay on the
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ship
, while visitors
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staying
on the
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island
Possible spelling mistake found.
platued
as
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seen
in the graph.

For the case of those
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who
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love
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staying
on the
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ship
large it is
slightly
peaked again in 2012 getting back to
nearly
0. 3
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million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'person' seems to be countable, so consider using: "people", "persons".
person
prefer
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staying
on the cruise,
however
, this didn't remain the same, in 2013 it is
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seen
that there enormous increase in
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people
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who
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prefered
spending time on the cruise
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ship
to 2017 about 2
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million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'person' seems to be countable, so consider using: "people", "persons".
person
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loved
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staying
on the cruise
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ship
, while number of
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
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staying
on the
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island
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platued
from 2013 to 2015 about 1. 5
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million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'visitor' seems to be countable, so consider using: "visitors".
visitor
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "preferred", the past tense form of the verb 'prefer'?
prefered
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staying
on the
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island
rather
than
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staying
on the
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ship
, later by the
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end
of 2015, it was
slightly
decreased, then returned to the same point in 2017
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IELTS academic tourists visiting the carbbean island

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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