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tourism in nepal south asia 2008

tourism in nepal south asia 2008 lXEP9
The given pie chart illustrates, percentages of tourism in Nepal, located in South Asia, in March 2008. On the other hand, table below provide some data on, increase in number of tourists from March 2007. Looking in more detail we can see that, the largest percentage of tourists are originally from Asia (38%) and Europe (37%) respectively. It is followed by, other regions (11%) and North and South America (10%). Finally, 4% the least percentage of tourists are Australian. Total number of tourists who visit Nepal rose by 5910 from March 2007. Even though number of traveler from Asia, Australia and other regions saw a slight increase, the largest increase belonged to Europe and South and North America. To summarise therefore, we can see that, majority of people who go on a journey to Nepal are Asian or come from Europe. In addition, the number of traveler rose by 16 percent in the worldwide.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie chart illustrates, percentages of tourism in Nepal, located in South Asia, in March 2008.
On the other hand
, table below provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
data on, increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
from March 2007.

Looking in more detail we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that, the largest percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
are
originally
from Asia (38%) and Europe (37%)
respectively
. It
is followed
by, other regions (11%) and North and South America (10%).
Finally
, 4% the least percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
are Australian.

Total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
who visit Nepal rose by 5910 from March 2007.
Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of traveler from Asia, Australia and other regions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a slight increase, the largest increase belonged to Europe and South and North America.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
therefore
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that, majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who go on a journey to Nepal are Asian or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from Europe.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of traveler rose by 16 percent in the worldwide.
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IELTS academic tourism in nepal south asia 2008

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
154 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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