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the DIagram show the process of milk production

the DIagram show the process of milk production DYyGm
Given is a diagram depicting the procedure of milk manufacturing. It is evident from the information provided that there are 6 distinct phases involved, from initially collecting raw milk to end production by packing it into various containers for distribution. In terms of milk collection in the first stage, cows are placed in a cage called a milking machine twice a day. They are then forwarded into storage, where it is kept at an appropriate temperature prior to being transported by tanker into a specific diary. Following on from the previous section of the diagram, at the fourth stage of the process, milk is further divided into two categories of producing, which are then either pasteurized and packaged or used as the main ingredient in the production of dairy products such as cheese, cream, and butter. In the final stage, milk and dairy products will be ultimately labeled then loaded and transported to retail shops such as supermarkets or grocery stores where they are ready to be sold.
Given
is a diagram depicting the procedure of
milk
manufacturing. It is evident from the information provided that there are 6 distinct phases involved, from
initially
collecting raw
milk
to
end
production by packing it into various containers for distribution.

In terms of
milk
collection in the
first
stage, cows
are placed
in a cage called a milking machine twice a day. They are then forwarded into storage, where it is
kept
at an appropriate temperature prior to
being transported
by tanker into a specific diary.

Following on from the previous section of the diagram, at the fourth stage of the process,
milk
is
further
divided into two categories of producing, which are then either pasteurized and packaged or
used
as the main ingredient in the production of dairy products such as cheese, cream, and butter.

In the final stage,
milk
and dairy products will be
ultimately
labeled then loaded and transported to retail shops such as supermarkets or grocery stores where they are ready to
be sold
.
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IELTS academic the DIagram show the process of milk production

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
168 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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