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the line graph below shows the percentage of favourite leisure activities of teenagers in canada.

the line graph below shows the percentage of favourite leisure activities of teenagers in canada. y726V
The diagram illustrates information about the percentage of four different activities of teenagers in Canada. In general the figures for avtivities fluctuated over the period shown but,  interest in music is the same in boys and girls. One the one hand,   boys 'interest in sports is 26%, but girls' participation is lower than boys. A similar change took a shoping avtivities,  that is, interest in shopping is very high in boys but very low in girls. Interest in shopping is 30% in boys and 7% in girls. One the other hand, interest in music is the same in boys and girls. That is, interest in music is 20 percent in both girls and boys. However boys percentage of 15  interest in computer games, in girls it is lower, that is 13%.
The diagram illustrates information about the percentage of four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in Canada.
In general
the figures for
Possible spelling mistake found.
avtivities
fluctuated over the period shown
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
 interest
in music is the same in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and girls.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand,
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  boys
'interest in sports is 26%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
girls' participation is lower than
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boys
. A similar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
took a
Possible spelling mistake found.
shoping
Possible spelling mistake found.
avtivities
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
that is
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in shopping is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Interest
in shopping is 30% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and 7% in girls.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in music is the same in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.
That is
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in music is 20 percent in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
percentage of 15
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in computer games, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
it is lower,
that is
13%.
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IELTS academic the line graph below shows the percentage of favourite leisure activities of teenagers in canada.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
131 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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