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illustrate what makes people happiest from different all aged groups

illustrate what makes people happiest from different all aged groups 30QXb
The pie charts illustrate what makes people happiest from different all aged groups. Overall, it is clear that achievement at work sector has the highest proportion of happiness in the both age group. Beside, people who just under 30 age feels happy if they can travel and have a good appearance while the people who are over 30 age group tend to satisfy with their lives when they stay together with family and has financial security. Look at the similarities, both the younger aged group and the older aged group, the highest rate say that achievement at work brings them a good deal of happiness: 32% for the former group and 31% for the latter group. Doing hobbies are also vital factor contributing to happy life all aged groups mentioned with 22% and 24% respectively. Many younger people regard factor make a happy life having a good-looking with proportion at 18% and traveling with proportion at 15%. On other hand, the older people think having financial security account for 22% and being a gather with their family take up 18% which contributed to happiness their life.
The pie charts illustrate what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
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people
happiest from
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different
all
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aged
groups.

Overall
, it is
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clear
that achievement at work sector has the highest proportion of happiness in the both age
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group
. Beside,
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people
who
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just
under 30 age feels happy if they can travel and have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
appearance while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are over 30 age
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group
tend to satisfy with their
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lives
when they stay together with family and has financial security.

Look at the similarities, both the younger
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aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, the highest rate say that achievement at work brings them a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
deal of happiness: 32% for the former
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group
and 31% for the latter
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group
. Doing hobbies are
also
vital factor contributing to happy life all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
mentioned with 22% and 24%
respectively
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regard factor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a happy life having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
-looking with proportion at 18% and traveling with proportion at 15%. On other hand, the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
having financial security account for 22% and being a gather with their family take up 18% which contributed to happiness their life.
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IELTS academic illustrate what makes people happiest from different all aged groups

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
186 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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