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tourism between country's

tourism between country's gxPgl
The pie charts depict the changes in the tourism of Australia and Germany over half a century. The charts give the percentage of people from different parts of the world who visited these two countries in the years 1960 and 2010. First, to say about Australia, the Asians have shown a huge interest over the 50 year period. There is a significant rise from 10% to 63%. Meanwhile, the percentage of European voyagers has dropped from 53% to 10%. The percentage of Americans has a slight decline of 5% whereas the rate of Britain visitors has increased by 5%. The scenario of German tourism seems to have small changes. The percentage of European and American travelers has a little variation from 45% to 40% and 25% to 29% respectively. The rate of Asian tourists has a growth from 10% to 25% but that of Britishers has fell down from 20% to 6%. Overall, the difference in the tourism of Australia has a lot of variations while in Germany there is no much changes.
The pie charts depict the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the tourism of Australia and Germany over half a century. The charts give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world who visited these two countries in the years 1960 and 2010.

First
, to say about Australia, the Asians have shown a huge interest over the
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "50-year"
50 year
period. There is a significant rise from 10% to 63%. Meanwhile, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of European voyagers has dropped from 53% to 10%. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of Americans has a slight decline of 5% whereas the rate of Britain visitors has increased by 5%.

The scenario of German tourism seems to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of European and American travelers has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
variation from 45% to 40% and 25% to 29%
respectively
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
rate of Asian tourists has a growth from 10% to 25%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that of Britishers has
Use the past participle "fallen", "felled" after the modal (auxiliary) verb 'has'.
fell
down from 20% to 6%.

Overall
, the difference in the tourism of Australia has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
variations while in Germany there is
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
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IELTS academic tourism between country's

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
173 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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