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the table show the number of mobile phones sold from 2006 to 2012

the table show the number of mobile phones sold from 2006 to 2012 YyO6N
The given table illustrates the sales of five different phone branches between 2006 and 2012. Overall, Samsung and Apple witnessed an increase, whereas a reverse pattern could be seen in Nokia, Ericsson and Motorola. In addition, Nokia was the most popular branch to begin with, Samsung dominated the market toward the end of the period. Nokia, Ericsson and Motorola shared the same tendency which went down by varying degrees. From 2006 to 2010, there was a slight growth in Nokia mobile phones from 345 millions to 463 millions. After hitting its peak in 2010, its figure dipped to 335 million phones at the end of the period. Likewise, Erricson reached its highest number at 102 millions in 2007, then dropped dramatically to just 28 millions in 2012. As for Motorola, its figure started at the second highest number, at 210 millions, but decreased significantly throughout the given period and ended at 28 millions. Nevertheless, Samsung and Apple both saw a rise in the period of 6 years. At the beginning, only 117 Samsung mobile phones were sold. However, the sales of Samsung soared to 396. 5 millions in the final year where it surpassed Nokia. Moreover, it is noticeable that there was no figure recorded for Apple before 2007 where the figure commenced at 2. 3 million phones and almost doubled each year till 2011. From 2011 to 2012, Apple mobile phones climbed up sharply from 89 millions to 135. 8 millions.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
table illustrates the sales of five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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phone
branches between 2006 and 2012.

Overall
, Samsung and
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Apple
witnessed an increase, whereas a reverse pattern could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in Nokia, Ericsson and Motorola.
In addition
, Nokia was the most popular branch to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, Samsung dominated the market toward the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.

Nokia, Ericsson and Motorola shared the same tendency which went down by varying degrees. From 2006 to 2010, there was a slight growth in Nokia mobile
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phones
from 345
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millions
to 463
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millions
. After hitting its peak in 2010, its
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figure
dipped to 335
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million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.
Likewise
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Erricson
reached its highest number at 102
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millions
in 2007, then dropped
dramatically
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
28
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millions
in 2012. As for Motorola, its
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figure
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started
at the second highest number, at 210
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millions
,
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but
decreased
significantly
throughout the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period and ended at 28 millions.

Nevertheless
, Samsung and
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Apple
both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a rise in the period of 6 years. At the beginning,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
117 Samsung mobile
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phones
were sold
.
However
, the sales of Samsung soared to 396. 5
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millions
in the final
It is better to use 'year' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "year when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
year where
it surpassed Nokia.
Moreover
, it is noticeable that there was no
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figure
recorded for
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Apple
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
2007 where the
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figure
commenced at 2. 3
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million
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phones
and almost doubled each year till 2011. From 2011 to 2012,
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Apple
mobile
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phones
climbed up
sharply
from 89
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millions
to 135. 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
.
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IELTS academic the table show the number of mobile phones sold from 2006 to 2012

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
242 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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