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Today more people than ever are traveling around the world. Some people believe that such traveling helps to broaden’s minds, while others think it just confirms their prejudices. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Today more people than ever are traveling around the world. Some people believe that such traveling helps to broaden’s minds, while others think it just confirms their prejudices. 1bjeA
Traveling around the world today are more common than in the past. When people live in a country is developing everyday, they have a lot of thoughts that they should have more knowledge about the world or they just want to show off that they are rich enough to travel around the world. This graph I will tell you about both views. First, it is obvious that when we go out, we can enrich our knowledge so much. We can learn and absorb what we think is difficult and new that we have never heard before. In different countries, people have different thoughts and ways of life so we can easily change the way we thought and always have positive thinking. Moreover, we can import cultures suitable for our country to develop the country in all aspects. On the other hand, others think that traveling is just to show that they are rich. They have lots of opportunities to go everywhere they like but they don’t know how to take advantage of these chances to enhance themselves. Therefore, it is wrong thoughts that makes people gradually lose their ability to absorb and think. It may have bad effects on themselves and their coutries, especially while the country is in the process of industrialization and modernization. In my view, all people can travel to everywhere they like and do everything they want, they don’t need to put too much emphasis on learning and expanding their knowledge. However, they shouldn’t pretend to be arrogant, bragging because they are able to go to many places and experience a lot of new things that not everyone has. It will be very helpful if we can properly apply foreign developments at our country. On the whole, traveling is the best way for us to discover new things and relax after some pressures. Different people may have different thoughts about traveling and the way we broaden their minds. It would be better if everyone used their abilities rationally and usefully.
Traveling around the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are more common than in the past. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is developing
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thoughts
that they should have more knowledge about the
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world or
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off that they are rich
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to travel around the world. This graph I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you about both views.

First
, it is obvious that when we go out, we can enrich our knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much. We can learn and absorb what we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is difficult and new that we have never heard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thoughts
and ways of life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the way we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thought
and always have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thinking.
Moreover
, we can import cultures suitable for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in all aspects.

On the other hand
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that traveling is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that they are rich. They have lots of opportunities to go everywhere they like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they don’t know how to take advantage of these chances to enhance themselves.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thoughts
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gradually
lose their ability to absorb and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
. It may have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on themselves and their
Possible spelling mistake found.
coutries
,
especially
while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is in the process of industrialization and modernization.

In my view, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can travel to everywhere they like and do everything they want, they don’t need to put too much emphasis on learning and expanding their knowledge.
However
, they shouldn’t pretend to be arrogant, bragging
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are able to go to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places and experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
new things that not everyone has. It will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful if we can
properly
apply foreign developments at our country.

On the whole
, traveling is the best way for us to discover new things and relax after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pressures.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thoughts
about traveling and the way we broaden their minds. It would be better if everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their abilities
rationally
and
usefully
.
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IELTS academic Today more people than ever are traveling around the world. Some people believe that such traveling helps to broaden’s minds, while others think it just confirms their prejudices.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
334 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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