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This diagram describes the key processes involved in preparing carbonated drinks in the factories.

This diagram describes the key processes involved in preparing carbonated drinks in the factories. 2bKwJ
This diagram describes the key processes involved in preparing carbonated drinks in the factories. It begins with the procurement of raw materials right to the end. The steps involved are explained in great detail. There are 5 major stages in the manufacturing of carbonated drinks as seen in the diagram. According to the diagram, step 1 is the process of filtering raw water with the help of a filter and also cleansing it with some chemicals. The second step starts with the processed water being heated and then cooled while, carbon dioxide is also added at the same time. Step 3 is when the carbonated water which, has been transferred to a mixing tank with the help of a large pipe is mixed with the flavors, coloring and the syrup that provides the taste, consistency and the color that we all love. Meanwhile, this concoction is filtered first, and then filled into bottles and cans depending on the volume. The last but not least step is our favorite carbonated drinks being delivered to a supermarket close to our homes, so that we can enjoy them as and when we like.
This diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
the key processes involved in preparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carbonated
drinks in the factories. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
with the procurement of raw materials right to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steps
involved are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in great detail. There are 5 major stages in the manufacturing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carbonated
drinks as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the diagram.

According to the diagram,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
step
1 is the process of filtering raw water with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of a filter and
also
cleansing it with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
chemicals. The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
step
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
with the processed water
being heated
and then cooled while, carbon dioxide is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
at the same time.

Step 3 is when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carbonated
water which, has
been transferred
to a mixing tank with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of a large pipe
is mixed
with the flavors, coloring and the syrup that provides the taste, consistency and the color that we all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
. Meanwhile, this concoction
is filtered
first
, and then filled into bottles and cans depending on the volume. The last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
step
is our favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carbonated
drinks
being delivered
to a supermarket close to our homes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can enjoy them as and when we like.
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IELTS academic This diagram describes the key processes involved in preparing carbonated drinks in the factories.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
190 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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