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the graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

the graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. ljXgD
The line graph depicts the proportion of three different countries population aged 65 and over then 65 years between 1940 and 2040. Units are measured in percentage. Overall, interesting to notice that, Japan has lowest number of population in starting point, after that it will be most significant populating country in the future. According to the line graph, there was most significant change in Japan's 65 aged group, it was started in 1940 with 5 percent and there were slight decreased till 1990 and after 2000, it kept upward trend during last 10 years. In the year 2040, it will be over 25% to be measuring. USA and Sweden were started just under ten percent of the populated aged over 65 in the year 1940. In 1980, USA's aged was 15% and remain same during next 40 years and after 2020, it will quickly peak with approximately 23% of population. Sweden has substantial changes in between 1980 and 2010, there were sharp change to under 15% to 20% during the period. After 2010, it was constant for the next 10 years and then it will increase by 25 percent in the future.
The line graph depicts the proportion of three
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different
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countries
population
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aged
65 and over then 65 years between 1940 and 2040. Units
are measured
in percentage.

Overall
, interesting to notice that, Japan has
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
number of population in starting point, after that it will be
Did you mean "the most"?
most
significant populating country in the future.

According to the line graph, there was
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most
significant
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change
in Japan's 65
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aged
group, it was
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started
in 1940 with 5 percent and there were slight decreased till 1990 and after 2000, it
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kept
upward trend during last 10 years. In the
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year
2040, it will be over 25% to be measuring. USA and Sweden were
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started
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just
under ten percent of the populated
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aged
over 65 in the
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year
1940. In 1980, USA's
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aged
was 15% and remain same during
next
40 years and after 2020, it will
quickly
peak with approximately 23% of population. Sweden has substantial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in between 1980 and 2010, there were sharp
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to under 15% to 20% during the period. After 2010, it was constant for the
next
10 years and then it will increase by 25 percent in the future.
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IELTS academic the graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
192 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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