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this chats show persons arrested in five years ending 1994

this chats show persons arrested in five years ending 1994 JVArB
The pie charts compare the percentages of men and women get arrested or not, and the bar shows reasons, for that in five years ending 1994. It is clear that males were more in crimes rather than females. Also noticeable that public drinking the highest on ranking among them, while the lowest one was without specific reason. According to the chart, males had, 32% those who got into jail, whereas 9% of females were in it. The most popular crime based on public drinking which was about 37% women and 31% men. On the other hand, drink driving caused by males, at approximately 27% compared to females who were not even half of it, at 14%. Breach of order and theft had almost same numbers, at 18% and 12%, and 16% and 13% respectively. By contrast, 68% of males were innocent, meanwhile 91% females were also in this side. In assault case, females had 19% and males were decreased by 3%. Although 18% of other purpose who were men, 17% of women committed it. Both had difference by 4%, got arrested without any proper reason.
The pie charts compare the percentages of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
arrested or not, and the bar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
reasons, for that in five years ending 1994.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
were more in crimes
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
noticeable that public drinking the highest on ranking among them, while the lowest one was without specific reason.

According to the chart,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
had, 32% those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
into jail, whereas 9% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
were in it. The most popular crime based on public drinking which was about 37% women and 31%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
On the other hand
,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
drink driving
caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
, at approximately 27% compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
who were not even half of it, at 14%. Breach of order and theft had almost same numbers, at 18% and 12%, and 16% and 13%
respectively
.

By contrast, 68% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
were innocent, meanwhile 91%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
were
also
in this side. In assault case,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
had 19% and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
were decreased
by 3%. Although 18% of other purpose who were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, 17% of women committed it. Both had difference by 4%,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
arrested without any proper reason.
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IELTS academic this chats show persons arrested in five years ending 1994

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
185 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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