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the two pie charts show the percentage of waste.

the two pie charts show the percentage of waste. YBOkn
The statistical information in context with a proportion of toxic pollutants entering into a part of ocean and polluting it in the years 1997 and 2007 is rendered by given pie charts. At a fleeting glance, the most prominent feature of the given pie charts is that litter pollutants were zero in 2007. further in the year 1997 toxic substances - from air ranged Boy and similar figures were seen in 2007. Moreover, a drastic incline was seen in domestic sewage from 18% in 1997 to reaching up to 29% in the year 2007. Furthermore, 14% of pollution was from offshore oil in 2007 whereas it was almost half in the year 1997. observing further marine waste declined by 5% that is 22% in 1997 and 17% in the year 2007. Taking further information into considerations, Industrial waste and farm waste experienced downfall of 8% and 5%. However, figures of Industrial waste in 1997 and 2007 were 17% and 9% and that of farm waste were 4% and 2% respectively. overall, it is succinct from the given pie-charts that domestic sewage and offshore oil pollutants inclined whereas there was a drop in amount of other pollutants.
The statistical information in context with a proportion of toxic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollutants
entering into a part of ocean and polluting it in the years 1997 and 2007
is rendered
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts. At a fleeting glance, the most prominent feature of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts is that litter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollutants
were zero in 2007.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
further
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1997 toxic substances
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
from air ranged Boy and similar figures were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in 2007.
Moreover
, a drastic incline was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in domestic sewage from 18% in 1997 to reaching up to 29% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2007.
Furthermore
, 14% of pollution was from offshore oil in 2007 whereas it was almost half in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1997.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
observing
further
marine
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waste
declined by 5%
that is
22% in 1997 and 17% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2007. Taking
further
information into considerations, Industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
and farm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
experienced downfall of 8% and 5%.
However
, figures of Industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
in 1997 and 2007 were 17% and 9% and that of farm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
were 4% and 2%
respectively
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
overall
, it is succinct from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie-charts that domestic sewage and offshore oil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollutants
inclined whereas there was a drop in amount of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollutants
.
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IELTS academic the two pie charts show the percentage of waste.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
196 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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