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French and Mandarin, that were elected by 13-year-old students from 2000 to present at one of schools of England.

French and Mandarin, that were elected by 13-year-old students from 2000 to present at one of schools of England. gYPMa
The line graph indicates two type of foreign languages, French and Mandarin, that were elected by 13-year-old students from 2000 to present at one of schools of England. It can be seen from the chart that choice of Mandarin language increased constantly from 2000 to 2005 and in 2005, about 78 student selected this language, in 2006 this number decreased to 61 students. from 2006 to 2008 there is a slightly fluctuation and in 2008 it again declined, from 2008 to present there has been a steady trend. The number of students that choose French language in 2000 was 140 and this number had a downtrend to 2005 to about 84 students, from 2005 to 2006 this number rose to 100 students and then it has been a gradually downtrend and this number again has reached to 84. Overall, Mandarin language in the first years had a uptrend, whereas French language had a downtrend during this five years, but 2005 the number of students that selected French was more than Mandarin, both of languages have a steady trend but the students that choose French also have been more.
The line graph indicates two type of foreign
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languages
, French and Mandarin, that
were elected
by 13-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
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students
from 2000 to present at one of schools of England.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the chart that choice of Mandarin
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language
increased
constantly
from 2000 to 2005 and in 2005, about 78
Possible agreement error. The noun 'student' seems to be countable, so consider using: "students".
student
selected this
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language
, in 2006 this
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number
decreased to 61
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students
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
from
2006 to 2008 there is a
You used an adverb ('slightly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('fluctuation') instead of another adjective.
slightly fluctuation
and in 2008 it again declined, from 2008 to present there has been a steady trend.

The
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number
of
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students
that choose French
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language
in 2000 was 140 and this
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number
had a downtrend to 2005 to about 84
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students
, from 2005 to 2006 this
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number
rose to 100
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students
and then it has been a
You used an adverb ('gradually') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('downtrend') instead of another adjective.
gradually downtrend
and this
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number
again has reached to 84.

Overall
, Mandarin
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language
in the
first
years had
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
uptrend, whereas French
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language
had a downtrend during this five years,
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but
2005 the
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number
of
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students
that selected French was more than Mandarin, both of
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languages
have a steady trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
that choose French
also
have been more.
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IELTS academic French and Mandarin, that were elected by 13-year-old students from 2000 to present at one of schools of England.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
188 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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