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The two Pie Charts below show the death ratio through infectious diseases in Canada in 2 years.

The two Pie Charts below show the death ratio through infectious diseases in Canada in 2 years. YyV6d
The rendered circular representations depict the information about the fatality rate of six infectious diseases and deaths occurred by these diseases in Canada in 1900 and 1930. Overall, deaths caused by typhoid and diarrhoea drop down while deaths with other diseases inclined with the passage of time. Having a cursory glance on a chart, it is clear that in the beginning of the 20th century the highest percentage of mortality rate was recorded with 37% due to typhoid disease, however, the rate of demise due to this disease decline with 13% after three decades. Furthermore, the second highest fatality rate caused by the disease was via diarrhea and Scarlet fever with 29% and 12% respectively. Nevertheless, percentum of loss of life due to these two diseases was declined with minor differences after 30 years. After analyzing the remaining data, the percentile of passed away canadians due to whooping cough was just 11% in 1900 while rate shows minor incline of 4% in 1930. Similarly, mortality rate of natives of Canada was less due to measles and other diseases before three decades however in 1930 the ratio of deaths due to measles was increased with 3% only whereas, in case of other diseases drastic incline of fatality rate was recorded in 1930.
The rendered circular representations depict the information about the fatality
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rate
of six infectious
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diseases
and deaths occurred by these
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diseases
in Canada in 1900 and 1930.

Overall
, deaths caused by typhoid and
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diarrhoea
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "drop".
drop down
while deaths with other
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diseases
inclined with the passage of time.

Having a cursory glance on a chart, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that in the beginning of the 20th century the highest percentage of mortality
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rate
was recorded
with 37%
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due
to typhoid
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disease
,
however
, the
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rate
of demise
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due
to this
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disease
decline with 13% after three decades.
Furthermore
, the second highest fatality
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rate
caused by the
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disease
was via diarrhea and Scarlet fever with 29% and 12%
respectively
.
Nevertheless
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
percentum
of loss of life
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due
to these two
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diseases
was declined
with minor differences after 30 years.

After analyzing the remaining data, the percentile of passed away
Possible spelling mistake found.
canadians
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due
to whooping cough was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
11% in 1900 while
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rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
minor incline of 4% in 1930.
Similarly
, mortality
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rate
of natives of Canada was less
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due
to measles and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
three decades
however
in 1930 the ratio of deaths
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to measles
was increased
with 3%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
whereas, in case of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
drastic incline of fatality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
was recorded
in 1930.
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IELTS academic The two Pie Charts below show the death ratio through infectious diseases in Canada in 2 years.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
211 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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