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The two maps below show road access to a city hospital in 2007 and 2010

The road routes to the town hospital between 2007 and 2010 are revealed in the maps. Overall, the roundabouts were added in the routes during renovation which had crossroad, connecting with city road, and the designer were built new facilities like car parks. Meanwhile, the main ring road unchanged in periods. When it came to the northern area, the public vehicle park was established by the constructors in the west of town hospital, and it connected with the ring road. In the centre roads, the new design was renovated, becoming roundabout. However, there were no change in surround at the east side hospital. Moreover, if looking in southern region, the hospital roads in the middle were reconstructed, and this experienced shape with another area, having crossroad to city and other roads. Also this roads associated with new Bus stations in the west sides, while the employees car park as well as the first years.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
routes to the town hospital between 2007 and 2010
are revealed
in the maps.

Overall
, the roundabouts were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
in the routes during renovation which had crossroad, connecting with city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
, and the designer
were built
new facilities like car parks. Meanwhile, the main ring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
unchanged in periods.

When it came to the northern area, the public vehicle park
was established
by the constructors in the west of town hospital, and it connected with the ring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
. In the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
, the new design
was renovated
, becoming roundabout.
However
, there were no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in surround at the east side hospital.

Moreover
, if looking in southern region, the hospital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
in the middle
were reconstructed
, and this experienced shape with another area, having crossroad to city and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
associated with new Bus stations in the west sides, while the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "employees'" or "employee's"?
employees
car park
as well
as the
first
years.
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IELTS academic The two maps below show road access to a city hospital in 2007 and 2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
154 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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