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The two diagram shows information about percentage of land degrade for some reasons and affected regions from it during 1990

The two diagram shows information about percentage of land degrade for some reasons and affected regions from it during 1990 VE7aw
The pie chart illustrates the information regarding proportion of degraded land due to some reasons and affected regions from it during 1990s. Over- grazing had contributed in deteriorating five times more land in comparison to other causes with the percentage of 35. However, minor difference of 2 was noticed in fertile land's percentage because of deforestation (30%)and over - cultivation (28%). Moving further, highest proportion of land was degraded in Europe amounting to 23%in which maximum contribution was deforestation (9. 8) comparatively others. Surprisingly, in Oceania percentage of over cultivation was witnessed zero whereas, proportion of deforestation and over grazing was 1. 7 and 11. 3 orderly. However, percentage of land deterioration was observed in North America about 5. Overall, in pie chart maximum percentage of land was degraded by deforestation, taking tabular in consideration maximum percentage was witnessed in Europe whereas, lowest proportion was in North America.
The pie chart illustrates the information regarding
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proportion
of degraded
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land
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
regions from it
The article is probably missing here: "during the 1990s".
during 1990s
.

Over- grazing had contributed in deteriorating five times more
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land
in comparison
to other causes with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of 35.
However
, minor difference of 2
was noticed
in fertile land's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deforestation
(30%)and over
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
cultivation (28%).

Moving
further
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
was degraded
in Europe amounting to 23%in which maximum contribution was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deforestation
(9. 8)
comparatively
others.
Surprisingly
, in Oceania
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of over cultivation
was witnessed
zero whereas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deforestation
and over grazing was 1. 7 and 11. 3 orderly.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
deterioration
was observed
in North America about 5.

Overall
, in pie chart maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
was degraded
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
deforestation
, taking tabular in consideration maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
was witnessed
in Europe whereas,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
was in North America.
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IELTS academic The two diagram shows information about percentage of land degrade for some reasons and affected regions from it during 1990

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
148 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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