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The total oil consumption of four major consumers from 2009 to 2030

The total oil consumption of four major consumers from 2009 to 2030 7PPEy
The line graph illustrates the total amount of oil consumed in 4 areas between 2009 and 2030. Overall, while the oil consumption of Western Europe and Japan and the USA is predicted to be decrease significantly, that amount in China and Middle East will increase steadily during 21-year period. It is also apparent that the USA will remain the highest amount of oil consumed until 2030. Firstly, 9 was the USA's amount of oil consumed in 2009. After a slight growth in the figure to reach the peak of 10 before that figure is predicted to fall dramatically to around 7. 8 in 2030. A similar trend is also witnessed in the total amount of oil consumed in Western Europe and Japan, which declined significantly until present and is predicted to be decrease dramatically in to around 2 in 2030. By contrast, the oil consumption of China which rose significantly during the past year and will reach a peak of 4 in 2025 follow by a slight fall to around 3 from 2025 to 2030. Moreover, that amount in Middle East, which has an increase trend, grew significantly until present before will rise dramatically in the future from 2 to around 3 throughout the period.
The line graph illustrates the total
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amount
of
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oil
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consumed
in 4 areas between 2009 and 2030.
Overall
, while the
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oil
consumption of Western Europe and Japan and the USA
is predicted
to be decrease
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significantly
, that
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amount
in China and Middle East will increase
steadily
during 21-year period. It is
also
apparent that the USA will remain the highest
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amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumed
until 2030.

Firstly
, 9 was the USA's
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amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumed
in 2009. After a slight growth in the figure to reach the peak of 10
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before
that figure
is predicted
to fall
dramatically
to
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around
7. 8 in 2030. A similar trend is
also
witnessed in the total
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amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
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consumed
in Western Europe and Japan, which declined
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significantly
until present and
is predicted
to be decrease
dramatically
in to
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around
2 in 2030.

By contrast, the
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oil
consumption of China which rose
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significantly
during the past year and will reach a peak of 4 in 2025 follow by a slight fall to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
3 from 2025 to 2030.
Moreover
, that
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amount
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the Middle East".
in Middle East
, which has an increase trend, grew
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
significantly
until present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
will rise
dramatically
in the future from 2 to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
3 throughout the period.
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IELTS academic The total oil consumption of four major consumers from 2009 to 2030

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
205 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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