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the table shows sources of income over a ten year period for university students in nottingham in united kingdom n

the table shows sources of income over a ten year period for university students in nottingham in united kingdom n q6Bxw
The given data illustrates the income of high school students over a decade for students of University of Nottingham in United Kingdom. Overall, trend shows grant shared the maximum part of income but has decreased in at regular intervals and the earnings contributed the least to total income. Grants had the lion share of income of 38% during 1988/1989 which was same in next two years also but later it showed a gradual decline which stands at only 14% in year 1998/1999. Along with it another factor that has been dipping is parential contribution from 32% to 16% showing similar pattern. All other factors have been seen inrcreasing their involvement with exception of miscellaneous going down for year 1995/1996. Interestingly there is huge leap in students loan which started the journey with zero and had consistently shown the upper move to reach 24% by 1998/1999. Student loan, Earnings and extra income have peaked at 24%, 14%, 34% respectively. This has also resulted in rise of overall income of undergraduates from 4395 in year 1988/1989 to 5575 in 1999.
The
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given
data illustrates the
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income
of high school students over a decade for students of University of Nottingham
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the United Kingdom".
in United Kingdom
.
Overall
, trend
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shows
grant shared the maximum part of
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income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
has decreased in at regular intervals and the earnings contributed the least to total income.

Grants had the lion share of
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income
of 38% during 1988/1989 which was same in
next
two years
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
later it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a gradual decline which stands at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
14% in
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year
1998/1999. Along with it another factor that has been dipping is
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parential
contribution from 32% to 16% showing similar pattern.

All other factors have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
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inrcreasing
their involvement with
The usual collocation for "exception" in this context is "to" not "of". Did you mean "exception to"?
exception of
miscellaneous going down for
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year
1995/1996.

Interestingly
there is huge leap in students

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
loan
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
the journey with zero and had
consistently
shown the upper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to reach 24% by 1998/1999.

Student loan, Earnings and extra
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income
have peaked at 24%, 14%, 34%
respectively
. This has
also
resulted in rise of
overall
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income
of undergraduates from 4395 in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1988/1989 to 5575 in 1999.
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IELTS academic the table shows sources of income over a ten year period for university students in nottingham in united kingdom n

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
178 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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