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The line graph illustrates the percentage of the elderly people between the years of 1940 to 2040 in three different countries.

The line graph illustrates the percentage of the elderly people between the years of 1940 to 2040 in three different countries. 0pqK1
The line graph illustrates the percentage of the elderly people between the years of 1940 to 2040 in three different countries. At first glance, elderly citizens were maximum in the year 2040 in all the three countries. We can see that Sweden and the USA showed similar trend from the year 1940 to 1990. Thereafter in the USA, the proportion of old people was 15 percent which remained constant till 2020 followed by gradual increase in the population with almost 10% in 2040. in Sweden, the pubic with 65 aged and above were more than 5% in 1940 which increased to 20 % in between 2000 and 2020. Consequently, a slight decrease in the proportion was noted which rose to 25 % by the year 2014. On the other hand, Japan showed remarkable growth in the population of elderly. it was started with 5 percent which declined to below 5 % from 1960 to 2000 followed by a sudden surge in the numbers were observed in between 2020 and 2040 and reached the vertex at above 25 % in 2040.
The line graph illustrates the percentage of the elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
between the years of 1940 to 2040 in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries. At
first
glance, elderly citizens were maximum in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2040 in all the three countries.

We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that Sweden and the USA
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
similar trend from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1940 to 1990.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thereafter
in the USA, the proportion of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
was 15 percent which remained constant till 2020 followed by gradual increase in the population with almost 10% in 2040.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
Sweden, the
Did you mean "public"?
pubic
with 65 aged and above were more than 5% in 1940 which increased to 20 % in between 2000 and 2020.
Consequently
, a slight decrease in the proportion
was noted
which rose to 25 % by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2014.
On the other hand
, Japan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
remarkable growth in the population of elderly.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with 5 percent which declined to below 5 % from 1960 to 2000 followed by a sudden surge in the numbers
were observed
in between 2020 and 2040 and reached the vertex at above 25 % in 2040.
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IELTS academic The line graph illustrates the percentage of the elderly people between the years of 1940 to 2040 in three different countries.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
180 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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