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The table shows how the unemployed spent their time in UK

The table shows how the unemployed spent their time in UK kWn3n
The diagram illustrates the percentage of jobless UK resident's morning and afternoon routine which was conducted last year. It is clearly visualized that, the major activities performed in the morning time were housework, shopping, job hunting, and visiting friends or relatives, whereas; shopping, hunting, visiting friends, and watching TV were mostly done in the afternoon. However, playing sports and drinking are barely seen. Surprising high numbers of male are enjoying gardening both in the morning and afternoon. To begin with, in the morning, nearly half and quarter of the women have involved in household activities and shopping respectively. similarly, one tenth of them are found engaging in hunting and visiting colleagues. On the other side, around one fifth of men are busy in housework chores, buying things and meeting with acquaintances while only 6 % have met friends. On the other hand, at least 10 to 12 % of the boys are doing hunting, visiting, gardening, and watching television in the afternoon. While, percentages of female participants are ranged from 12 to 17% for the same tasks as boys. In addition to this, only few people enjoyed sports and drinks and male are more evident
The diagram illustrates the percentage of jobless UK resident's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
morning
and afternoon routine which
was conducted
last year.

It is
clearly
visualized that, the major activities performed in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
morning
time were housework, shopping, job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunting
, and visiting friends or relatives, whereas; shopping,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunting
, visiting friends, and watching TV were
mostly
done in the afternoon.
However
, playing sports and drinking are
barely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
. Surprising high numbers of male are enjoying gardening both in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
morning
and afternoon.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
morning
,
nearly
half and quarter of the women have involved in household activities and shopping
respectively
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
similarly
, one tenth of them
are found
engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunting
and visiting colleagues. On the other side, around one fifth of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are busy in housework chores, buying things and meeting with acquaintances while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
6 % have met friends.

On the other hand
, at least 10 to 12 % of the boys are doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunting
, visiting, gardening, and watching television in the afternoon. While, percentages of female participants
are ranged
from 12 to 17% for the same tasks as boys.

In addition
to this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoyed sports and drinks and male are more evident

IELTS academic The table shows how the unemployed spent their time in UK

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
194 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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