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the line graph illustrate the vietnamese students leaning in foreign countries

the line graph illustrate the vietnamese students leaning in foreign countries ORD93
As you can see the graph shows you the average number of Vietnamese students studying in France, Russia and America between 2000 and 2015. Between 2000 and 2010 the number of Vietnamese students studied in France and Russia decreased sharply. From 3. 5 million students in France in 2000 to 2. 5 million students in 2010. And dropped from 3 million to 1. 9 million students in Russia. After that, the number of Vietnamese students in both countries raised to 4. 5 million for France and 2. 5 million for Russia. But the number of Vietnamese students in the US has always increased steadily over the years. It raised from 1. 5 million to 5 million in 15 years. The reason for that disparity, I think is because Vietnamese students though that America is the best place for their to live and study and they can make a lot of money after they complete their education.
As you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
you the average
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number
of Vietnamese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
studying in France, Russia and America between 2000 and 2015. Between 2000 and 2010 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of Vietnamese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
studied in France and Russia decreased
sharply
. From 3. 5
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million
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students
in France in 2000 to 2. 5
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million
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students
in 2010. And dropped from 3
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million
to 1. 9
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million
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students
in Russia. After that, the
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number
of Vietnamese
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students
in both countries raised to 4. 5
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million
for France and 2. 5
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million
for Russia.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of Vietnamese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the US has always increased
steadily
over the years. It raised from 1. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
to 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 15 years. The reason for that disparity, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Vietnamese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
though that America is the best place for their to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
study and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money after they complete their education.

IELTS academic the line graph illustrate the vietnamese students leaning in foreign countries

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
156 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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