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The chart below shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different kinds of digital games

The chart below shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different kinds of digital games GrOkw
The bar chart illustrates the worldwide sales of four kind of electronic games such as Mobile phone games, Online games, console games and handheld games for seven years from 2000 to 2006. Overall, it is evident that only handheld games have become popular over the years and there are no sales of online games and mobile phone games in the year 2000. Handheld games has been continuously increasing its sales from 2000 to 2006 which raised from around 10 billion dollars to almost 18 billion dollars where as for console games the sales have been continuously decreasing from almost 6 billion dollars to around 4 billion dollars. In terms of online games the sales started from year 2001 with around 2 billion dollars and has improved to around 8 billion dollars by 2006 while for mobile phone games the sales started in 2002 and raised significantly from there to approximately 10 billion dollars in 2006 crossing the sales of online games.
The bar chart illustrates the worldwide
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sales
of four kind of electronic
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games
such as Mobile phone
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games
,
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Online
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games
, console
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games
and handheld
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games
for seven years from 2000 to 2006.

Overall
, it is evident that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
handheld
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games
have become popular over the years and there are no
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sales
of
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online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and mobile phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in the
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year
2000.

Handheld
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games
has been
continuously
increasing its
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sales
from 2000 to 2006 which raised from
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around
10
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billion
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dollars
to almost 18
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
for console
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games
the
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sales
have been
continuously
decreasing from almost 6
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
to
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around
4
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billion
dollars.

In terms of
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online
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games
the
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sales
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from
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year
2001 with
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around
2
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
and has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
by 2006 while for mobile phone
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games
the
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sales
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
in 2002 and raised
significantly
from there to approximately 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
in 2006 crossing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.

IELTS academic The chart below shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different kinds of digital games

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
161 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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