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Bar chart illustrating percentage of men women and children eating food

Bar chart illustrating percentage of men women and children eating food drG82
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of men, women and children who ate five servings of fruits and vegetables each day in 8 years from 2001 to 2008 in the UK. Overall, it is observed that women have taken higher amount of fruits and vegetables in their meals, while children consistently accounted for the lower percentage. Furthermore, we can see there is significant increase in the proportion of people having these items over the period given. For women, the percentage of consumption started over 20% and has gone to peak in 2006 with around 35% before falling slightly to 30% later in 2008 for the mentioned food items. In terms of Men and Children, eating fruits and vegetables the rate remained relatively stable in the first three years at around 12% and 17% respectively. From this point, the proportion of men climbed gradually to peak of about 27% in both 2006 and 2007, after which it dropped to 26%. A similar growth in the figure for children was evident reaching 25% in 2007 and around 24% in the final year.
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, women and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who ate five servings of fruits and vegetables each day in 8 years from 2001 to 2008 in the UK.

Overall
, it
is observed
that women have taken higher amount of fruits and vegetables in their meals, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
consistently
accounted for the lower percentage.
Furthermore
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
there is significant increase in the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having these items over the period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

For women, the percentage of consumption
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
over 20% and has gone to peak in 2006 with around 35%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
falling
slightly
to 30% later in 2008 for the mentioned food items.

In terms of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
, eating fruits and vegetables the rate remained
relatively
stable in the
first
three years at around 12% and 17%
respectively
.

From this point, the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
climbed
gradually
to peak of about 27% in both 2006 and 2007, after which it dropped to 26%. A similar growth in the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
was evident reaching 25% in 2007 and around 24% in the final year.
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IELTS academic Bar chart illustrating percentage of men women and children eating food

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
180 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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