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the table gives information about department and online stores in australia

the table gives information about department and online stores in australia 0pqmn
The table chart illustrates department and online shops sales data in Australia in 2011 which was consisted of the number of businesses, the amount of profit, sales revenue, and the percentage of the growth for both type of stores. Overall, It is obvious that all of the figures for online stores are in a higher position than department stores. The biggest gap is in the number of businesses, which the figure for online ones is 386 whereas the number of department stores is 67. Although the number of online stores outnumbered the department stores, the quantity of profit was 836 and 807 (AUD) respectively. The trend for sale revenue was similar to the profit, the difference between two types of stores was about 700 (AUD). Sale revenue for department stores was 12700 (AUD) however this figure for online shops was 13400 (AUD). The percentage of growth was dominated by online shops, which was 6 percent and the portion of department stores was 4 percent.
The table chart illustrates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shops
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
data in Australia in 2011 which
was consisted
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of businesses, the amount of profit,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
revenue, and the percentage of the growth for both type of stores.

Overall
, It is obvious that
Consider using "all the".
all of the
figures for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
are in a higher position than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
stores.

The biggest gap is in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of businesses, which the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
ones is 386 whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
is 67. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
outnumbered the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
, the quantity of profit was 836 and 807 (AUD)
respectively
.

The trend for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
revenue was similar to the profit, the difference between two types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
was about 700 (AUD).
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sale
revenue for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
was 12700 (AUD)
however
this figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shops was 13400 (AUD). The percentage of growth
was dominated
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shops, which was 6 percent and the portion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
was 4 percent.
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IELTS academic the table gives information about department and online stores in australia

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
164 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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