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attendance at entertainment places for the year 2009 and following with a table that shows the entrance fees for those venues.

attendance at entertainment places for the year 2009 and following with a table that shows the entrance fees for those venues. o60LD
The graph provided illustrates the attendance at entertainment places for the year 2009 and following with a table that shows the entrance fees for those venues. From the given chart, it can bee seen that cinemas is the most popular entertainment venues for 2009 with the highest attendance of slightly above 1 million. The admission fees for cinemas is the lowest in comparison to any other entertainment venues at $15 per person and $55 for a family of four. This is followed by theme parks that has received more than 300 000 admissions. This is a drastic decrease incomparison to cinema attendance. This is may due to admission price for the themese parks is very high which is $70 for a ticket and $210 for a group of four. The least favourite entertainment place is for sportings that received only above 100 000 attendance in 2009. It can be seen that the ticket price for most sports event are relatively higher than the cinema ticket price. It ranges from the lowest for cricket game at $75 per person to $75 per person for a footbal game. The people in general prefer attending the cinemas for entertainment and the price ticket is highly effecting this decision.
The graph provided illustrates the
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attendance
at entertainment places for the year 2009 and following with a table that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the entrance fees for those venues.

From the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chart, it
The word 'bee' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
can bee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
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cinemas
is the most popular entertainment venues for 2009 with the highest
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attendance
of
slightly
above 1 million. The admission fees for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
is the lowest
in comparison
to any other entertainment venues at $15 per person and $55 for a family of four.

This
is followed
by theme parks that has received more than 300 000 admissions. This is a drastic decrease
Possible spelling mistake found.
incomparison
to
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cinema
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attendance
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
This
is may due to admission
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price
for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
themese
parks is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high which is $70 for a
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ticket
and $210 for a group of four.

The least
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
entertainment place is for
Possible spelling mistake found.
sportings
that received
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
above 100 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attendance
in 2009. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
for most sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
are
relatively
higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
. It ranges from the lowest for cricket game at $75 per person to $75 per person for a
Possible spelling mistake found.
footbal
game.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in general
prefer attending the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
for entertainment and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
is
highly
effecting this decision.

IELTS academic attendance at entertainment places for the year 2009 and following with a table that shows the entrance fees for those venues.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
205 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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