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The following diagram shows steps in producing wine in a small winery.

The following diagram shows steps in producing wine in a small winery. mbkDK
The diagram explains the way in which wine manufacturing in a small winery. Overall, the process consists of seven stages, beginning with harvesting grapes and ending up with transporting to warehouse. First of all, the grapes are harvested from vineyards by workers or machinery. Secondly, the grapes are collected in containers to wash them. Following this step, leaves and stems are removed by washing grapes using hand. After that, clean grapes are crushed by a presser to make grape juice, and yeast is added to this grape juice. In the next stage, the result is fermented in oak barrels for 2 months. Fermented grape juice is then poured into bottless before labeling the next stage. Finally, bottles are transported to the warehouse.
The diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
the way in which wine manufacturing in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
winery.

Overall
, the process consists of seven stages, beginning with harvesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grapes
and ending up with transporting to warehouse.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grapes
are harvested
from vineyards by workers or machinery.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grapes
are collected
in containers to wash them. Following this step,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
and stems
are removed
by washing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grapes
using hand. After that, clean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grapes
are crushed
by a presser to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grape
juice, and yeast is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grape
juice.

In the
next
stage, the result
is fermented
in oak barrels for 2 months. Fermented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grape
juice is then poured into
Possible spelling mistake found.
bottless
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
labeling the
next
stage.
Finally
, bottles
are transported
to the warehouse.

IELTS academic The following diagram shows steps in producing wine in a small winery.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
122 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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