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The table demonstrates the proportion of people in the capital of Japan who listened to music in the last month in different ways such as using MP3-players, Internet, CDs, or listened to live music and the pie chart reveals the percentage of people who were engrossed in live or recorded music and some who had no idea about their preferences.

The table demonstrates the proportion of people in the capital of Japan who listened to music in the last month in different ways such as using MP3-players, Internet, CDs, or listened to live music and the pie chart reveals the percentage of people who were engrossed in live or recorded music and some who had no idea about their preferences. YVDj
The table demonstrates the proportion of people in the capital of Japan who listened to music in the last month in different ways such as using MP3-players, Internet, CDs, or listened to live music and the pie chart reveals the percentage of people who were engrossed in live or recorded music and some who had no idea about their preferences. The table shows evidently that about two out of three people who were absorbed in live music were men and 44% of them had the opposite sex. Also a massive 79% of many who were big fans of MP3-players were males and two in five of them were females. Moving to the usage of Internet, just over half of listeners were accounted by women and about two of five of them were made up by men. The last group of people who were interested in using CDs was included by a tiny 19% and 22% of men and women respectively. Turning to the pie chart, an overwhelming majority of people (70%) were passionate about live music and 26% and 4% of them were enthusiastic about recorded music and had no idea about their eagerness respectively. In a nutshell, in contrast to women, men were more interested in music except for the final group that the proportion of women was a bit huger. Nevertheless, most people preferred live music to other inks.
The table demonstrates the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the capital of Japan
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who
listened to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in the last month in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways such as using MP3-players, Internet, CDs, or listened to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and the pie chart reveals the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were engrossed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
or recorded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about their preferences.

The table
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
evidently
that about two out of three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were absorbed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and 44% of them had the opposite sex.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
a massive 79% of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
fans of MP3-players were males and two in five of them were females. Moving to the usage of Internet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over half of listeners
were accounted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and about two of five of them
were made
up by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. The last group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were interested
in using CDs
was included
by a tiny 19% and 22% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
respectively
.

Turning to the pie chart, an overwhelming majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
(70%) were passionate about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and 26% and 4% of them were enthusiastic about recorded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and had no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about their eagerness
respectively
.

In a nutshell,
in contrast
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
were more interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
the final group that the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
was a bit huger.
Nevertheless
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to other inks.
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IELTS academic The table demonstrates the proportion of people in the capital of Japan who listened to music in the last month in different ways such as using MP3-players, Internet, CDs, or listened to live music and the pie chart reveals the percentage of people who were engrossed in live or recorded music and some who had no idea about their preferences.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
231 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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