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The given table shows in figures preference to music among the young people in Tokyo, Japan.

The given table shows in figures preference to music among the young people in Tokyo, Japan. 3okm
The given table shows in figures preference to music among the young people in Tokyo, Japan. The pie chart illustrates the same percentage wise preference to live and recorded music. Overall, both the genders listened to music, males enjoyed music in Japan more compared to their counterparts. Females were interested more in CDs than males. Live music was preferred more, than recorded music as a mode of listening. Among the males about 60% listened to live music compared to 44 %in females. Similarly males also were more interested in MP-3 players with 79%of them listening to music via this, in contrast to females which were 40%. However, internet was preferred almost similarly with 55%in males and 42% in females. CDs showed a stark contrast, with higher proportion of females listening to music than males 19 and 22 %, respectively. Turning to the pie chart, 70% of the people preferred live music when compared to 26% of them listening to the recorded version and 4 % did not know what type of music they preferred listening to.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
table
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
in figures preference to
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music
among the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in Tokyo, Japan. The pie chart illustrates the same percentage wise preference to
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live
and recorded music.

Overall
, both the genders listened to
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music
,
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males
enjoyed
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music
in Japan more compared to their counterparts.
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Females
were interested
more in CDs than
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males
.
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Live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
was
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preferred
more, than recorded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as a mode of listening.

Among the
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males
about 60% listened to
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live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
compared to 44
Possible spelling mistake found.
%in
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females
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
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males
also
were more interested in MP-3 players with 79%of them listening to
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music
via this,
in contrast
to
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females
which were 40%.
However
, internet was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preferred
almost
similarly
with 55%in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and 42% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
. CDs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a stark contrast, with higher proportion of
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females
listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
than
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males
19 and 22 %,
respectively
.

Turning to the pie chart, 70% of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
when compared to 26% of them listening to the recorded version and 4 % did not know what type of
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music
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preferred
listening to.
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IELTS academic The given table shows in figures preference to music among the young people in Tokyo, Japan.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
176 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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