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The chart below shows the amount spent on six consumer goods in four European countries. v.1

The chart below shows the amount spent on six consumer goods in four European countries. v. 1
The bar chart compares the expenditure on different consumer goods by the people of four European countries; namely Britain, France, Italy and Germany. At the first glance, British spent more money on consumer goods while Germans spent the least. It is worth noticing that, British spent more than 170 thousand pound sterling for photographic films which is the highest amount spent on any consumer goods. British also spent more than 160 thousand for purchasing Toys and CDs, which is higher than that of by any other nation. For perfumes, tennis racquets and personal stereos, they spent more than other nations as well. On the other hand, French people spent around 165 thousand for purchasing photographic films, which makes it the highest amount they spent on consumer goods. French citizens spent about 158 thousand on toys which is a tie with Italians. For photographic films, toys and CDs, their spending totalled second highest among the given four nations. Finally, they spent less than 150 thousand on remaining consumer goods. Italian citizens spent around 150 thousand on personal stereos, tennis racquets and CDs while they spent about 5 thousand more on photographic films and toys. Finally, Germans spent the fewer amount in all consumer items than any other nation and their average spending was 145 thousand.
The bar chart compares the expenditure on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of four European countries;
namely
Britain, France, Italy and Germany. At the
first
glance, British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
more money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
while Germans
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spent
the least.

It is worth noticing that, British
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spent
more than 170 thousand pound sterling for
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photographic
films which is the highest amount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. British
also
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spent
more than 160 thousand for purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Toys
and CDs, which is higher than that of by any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. For perfumes, tennis racquets and personal stereos, they
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spent
more than
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
as well
. On the
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other
hand, French
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
around 165 thousand for purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
photographic
films, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it the highest amount they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.

French citizens
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spent
about 158 thousand on
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toys
which is a tie with Italians. For
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photographic
films,
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toys
and CDs, their spending
Possible spelling mistake. 'totalled' is British English.
totalled
second highest among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
four
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nations
.
Finally
, they
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spent
less than 150 thousand on remaining
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consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.

Italian citizens
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spent
around 150 thousand on personal stereos, tennis racquets and CDs while they
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spent
about 5 thousand more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
photographic
films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
.
Finally
, Germans
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spent
the fewer amount in all
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consumer
items than any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and their average spending was 145 thousand.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS academic The chart below shows the amount spent on six consumer goods in four European countries. v. 1

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
214 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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