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The table below shows the entertainment preferences of a part of the population of Germany in relation to their age in millions.

The table below shows the entertainment preferences of a part of the population of Germany in relation to their age in millions. dkQdo
The provided table represent information about entertainment activites in Germany for a part of people and for different age stages. Overall, it can be clearly seen that the number of people who prefer to watch televation porgram more than the number of theatre and visit the opera. According to given data it could be noticed that the rate of people from 50 and over 65 years old like to spend their time watching tv while lower number for teenagers around 8 millions of them seen this device. However, teens go to cinema higher than any other age whereas between 41 and 50 years choose theatre activity more than age from 20 till 30 years. In addition, as is shown in the figure people from 20 to 30 upper in doing clubbing. To sum up, the amount of Germany people increase for televation show rather than opera.
The provided table represent information about entertainment
Possible spelling mistake found.
activites
in Germany for a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age stages.
Overall
, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
Possible spelling mistake found.
televation
Possible spelling mistake found.
porgram
more than the number of
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
and visit the opera. According to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
data it could
be noticed
that the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from 50 and over 65 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
like to spend their time watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
while lower number for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
around
Use a singular form of the numeral here: "8 million".
8 millions of
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
this device.
However
, teens go to cinema higher than any other age whereas between 41 and 50 years choose
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
activity more than age
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 20 to 30"?
from 20 till 30
years.
In addition
, as
is shown
in the figure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from 20 to 30 upper in
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "going clubbing".
doing clubbing
. To sum up, the amount of Germany
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
increase
Possible spelling mistake found.
for televation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
rather
than opera.

IELTS academic The table below shows the entertainment preferences of a part of the population of Germany in relation to their age in millions.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
146 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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