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The table below shows how young people in Tokyo, Japan, listened to music over the previous month. The pie chart shows a record company’s international findings about whether people preferred live or recorded music.

The table below shows how young people in Tokyo, Japan, listened to music over the previous month. The pie chart shows a record company’s international findings about whether people preferred live or recorded music. poV3
The table describes what is the best medium to listening music Preferred for japanese Young generation in Tokyo, over the previous month and pie chart illustrate percentages of the people who loves to listen or recorded music. Overall, It can be said that, male are interested to listening music( percentages wise) than Female and From the pie charts people are more interested to live music than recorded music. First and foremost is that live music contains highest percentages (76%) in the company international than Tokyo, japan(60% for male and 44% for female). Almost 4 times higher the younger People (male) in Tokyo, Japan listening music Through mp3 players than. Company’s international (20%), but its double if compare the Female (40%). Only 55%, 19% male eager to hearing music through internet and CDS AND famale are 42% and 22% respectively. 4% people of company international Doesn't like to music.
The table
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
what is the best medium to listening
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music
Preferred for
Possible spelling mistake found.
japanese
Young generation in Tokyo, over the previous month and pie chart illustrate percentages of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to listen or recorded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Overall
, It can
be said
that, male
are interested
to listening music
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
percentages wise) than Female and From the pie charts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more interested to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
than recorded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
First
and foremost is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
contains
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
percentages (76%) in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
Use "(international)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
international
than Tokyo, japan(60% for male and 44% for female). Almost 4 times higher the younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
(male) in Tokyo, Japan listening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
Through mp3 players than.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Company
’s international (20%),
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its double if compare the Female (40%).
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
55%, 19% male eager to
With 'eager to', use the base form of the verb: "hear".
hearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
through internet and CDS AND
Possible spelling mistake found.
famale
are 42% and 22%
respectively
. 4%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
international Doesn't like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.

IELTS academic The table below shows how young people in Tokyo, Japan, listened to music over the previous month. The pie chart shows a record company’s international findings about whether people preferred live or recorded music.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
148 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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