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The table below gives information about the percentage of the internet users according to age in 1998, 1999 and 2000

The table below gives information about the percentage of the internet users according to age in 1998, 1999 and 2000 d92Qd
A glance at the bar chart depicts the shares of the Internet users categorised to age groups between 1998 and 2000. Overall, it is evident that the highest proportion of the internet followers are allocated to aged 16-30 and 31to 50 is also larger percentage compared to less than 15 and 50 or more which had the lowest figures. Initially, as for 16-30 years spent the largest share in four categorised age groups by standing at just over 50% before showing 8% less after a year. Furthermore, it stood at that 45 % which was revealed one year ago. The figure for 31 to 50 having similar spending amounts on all three years, compared in the chart. On the other hand, the remaining two of expenditure one of those less than 15 is just over zero simultaneously, the figure for 50 or more couple times higher in 1998. However, when it comes to 1999, both figures have had almost the same shares of internet users. After twelve months the following diagrams saw a bit bigger proportion than in 1998. (174words)
A glance at the bar chart depicts the shares of the Internet users
Possible spelling mistake. 'categorised' is British English.
categorised
to age groups between 1998 and 2000.
Overall
, it is evident that the highest proportion of the internet followers
are allocated
to aged 16-30 and 31to 50 is
also
larger percentage compared to less than 15 and 50 or more which had the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
.
Initially
, as for 16-30 years spent the largest share in four
Possible spelling mistake. 'categorised' is British English.
categorised
age groups by standing at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 50%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
showing 8% less after a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
Furthermore
, it stood at that 45 % which
was revealed
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
ago. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for 31 to 50 having similar spending amounts on all three years, compared in the chart.
On the other hand
, the remaining two of expenditure one of those less than 15 is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over zero
simultaneously
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for 50 or more couple times higher in 1998.
However
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to 1999, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
have had almost the same shares of internet users.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
twelve months the following diagrams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a bit bigger proportion than in 1998. (174words)

IELTS academic The table below gives information about the percentage of the internet users according to age in 1998, 1999 and 2000

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
179 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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