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The table below gives information about online activities of people in different age groups. v.1

The table below gives information about online activities of people in different age groups. v. 1
The table data provides information about what people from different age groups do when they are online. Overall, the online actions of people vary greatly based on their age groups and getting online news is the most common online activity of people regardless of their age. As can be seen from the given data, teenagers mostly play online games, do social networking, get news online, download different contents, purchase products and watch videos. 81% of teenagers’ activity involves playing online video games while getting news and social networking are their second and third most preferred online activities. Teenagers hardly do product research (2% only) or search others. Among the people who are over 19 years old and are younger than 40 years old, getting digital news, researching products, social networking and purchasing products are quite common. On the contrary, people over 39 years old and younger than 60 years old mostly like to get online news, research products, and purchase products. Downloading digital content is not popular among the people of this age group. It is interesting that getting online news is a very popular activity among the people of all age groups while downloading is popular among the teenagers only. Older people mostly like to get news, do product research and scarcely download. It is quite obvious that people in their twenties like to watch online videos more than the netizens of other age groups. Finally, social networking is popular among the younger internet users.
The table data provides information about what
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people
from
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different
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age
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groups
do when they are
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online
.
Overall
, the
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online
actions of
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people
vary
greatly
based on their
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age
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groups
and getting
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online
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news
is the most common
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online
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activity
of
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people
regardless of their age.

As can be
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seen
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
data,
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teenagers
mostly
play
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online
games, do
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social
networking,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
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online
, download
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
contents,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
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products
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
videos. 81% of
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teenagers’
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activity
involves playing
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online
video games while getting
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news
and
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social
networking are their second and third most preferred
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online
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activities
.
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Teenagers
hardly do
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product
research (2%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
) or search others. Among the
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people
who are over 19 years
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old
and are younger than 40 years
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old
, getting digital
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news
, researching
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products
,
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social
networking and purchasing
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products
are quite common.
On the contrary
,
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people
over 39 years
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old
and younger than 60 years
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old
mostly
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, research
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products
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Downloading digital content is not
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popular
among the
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people
of this
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age
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group
. It is interesting that getting
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online
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news
is a
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very
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popular
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activity
among the
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people
of all
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age
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groups
while downloading is
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popular
among the
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teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. Older
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people
mostly
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
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news
, do
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product
research and
scarcely
download. It is quite obvious that
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people
in their twenties like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
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online
videos more than the netizens of other
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age
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groups
.
Finally
,
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social
networking is
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popular
among the younger internet users.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
64Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS academic The table below gives information about online activities of people in different age groups. v. 1

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
246 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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