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The show bar chart percentage of different music albums who brought by according to age and sex.

The show bar chart percentage of different music albums who brought by according to age and sex. n1VVo
The given bar chart illustrates the information about how many different music albums purchased by both gender male and female as well as according to age in Vertin. Overall, it is evident from bar chart that the most rock music albums brought by 25-34 is group what it can be seen that an irregular sewer data could be noted in classical music in 16 to 24 is group. In detail, the proportion of pop music albums which purchased by male and female more than 20% and approximately 40% respectively. This data remained same not only in 16-24 but also 25-34 is group which accounted for nearly 25 and less than 10% pop music albums purchased by 45 + is group. Moreover, buy women and men brown rock music albums formal nearly 30 letter 20%. This figure again abided sem in in 16-24 as well as 25-34. Likewise, approximately 25% rock music albums purchased by 35 and 44 is group. Further more the percentage of 16 to 24 and 35 244 less liked to purchase rock music albums which witnessed at 3% on the contrary it is interesting noted that 20% albums brought by 45 + is group and less than 10% purchased album by male and female.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart illustrates the information about how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
albums
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchased
by both gender male and female
as well
as according to age in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vertin
.
Overall
, it is evident from bar chart that the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
albums
brought by 25-34 is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
what it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that an irregular sewer data could
be noted
in classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in 16 to 24 is group.

In detail, the proportion of pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
albums
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchased
by male and female more than 20% and approximately 40%
respectively
. This data remained same not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in 16-24
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
25-34 is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
which accounted for
nearly
25 and less than 10% pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
albums
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchased
by 45 + is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
women and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
brown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
albums
formal
nearly
30 letter 20%. This figure again abided
Possible spelling mistake found.
sem
Possible typo: you repeated a word
in in
16-24
as well
as 25-34.

Likewise
, approximately 25%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
albums
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchased
by 35 and 44 is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
.
Further
more the percentage of 16 to 24 and 35 244 less liked to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
albums
which witnessed at 3%
on the contrary
it is interesting noted that 20%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
albums
brought by 45 + is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and less than 10%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
album
by male and female.
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IELTS academic The show bar chart percentage of different music albums who brought by according to age and sex.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
207 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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