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the sales of reading materials of three different book stores in 7 years.

the sales of reading materials of three different book stores in 7 years. XnXpw
The Dynamic bar graph shows the sales of reading materials of three different book stores in 7 years. Overall, it can be seen the three bookstores have a different number of sales for reading materials in 2002 - 2008. To begin with, the sales of reading materials for BookStore A around 2000 copies in 2002. Then, the sales rose rapidly above 6000 copies in 2004 and remained constant sales in 2006 until 2008. However, bookstore B shows that the number of sales was more than 2000 copies in 2002. The numbers remained until 2004 they started to increase slowly until the sales reached higher than 4000 copies in 2006 until 2008. Furthermore, the sales of reading materials for Bookstore C around 2000 copies in 2002 started to decline until it reached below 2000 copies. Meanwhile, starting at 2004 the sales of reading materials increased slowly above 1000 copies and remained constant until 2008. In conclusion, it shows that Bookstore A had better performance than bookstore B and bookstore C in sales throughout the year.
The Dynamic bar graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of
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reading
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materials
of three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
book stores in 7 years.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
the three bookstores have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
in
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
2002 - 2008
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
BookStore
A around 2000
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copies
in 2002. Then, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
rose
rapidly
above 6000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
copies
in 2004 and remained constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in 2006 until 2008.
However
, bookstore B
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
was more than 2000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
copies
in 2002. The numbers remained until 2004 they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to increase
slowly
until the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
reached higher than 4000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
copies
in 2006 until 2008.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
for Bookstore C around 2000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
copies
in 2002
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to decline until it reached below 2000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
copies
. Meanwhile, starting at 2004 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
increased
slowly
above 1000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
copies
and remained constant until 2008.

In conclusion
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that Bookstore A had better performance than bookstore B and bookstore C in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
throughout the year.

IELTS academic the sales of reading materials of three different book stores in 7 years.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
174 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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