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The Results of a Survey of Adult Education .

The Results of a Survey of Adult Education. 157oq
The first chart illustrates the percentages of people with different interests to why they choose to participate in adult education. Whereas the second chart demonstrates people's thoughts of how the price of adult education should be divided upon people. Overall, the major reasons that drove the adults to study were interest in the subject and to gain qualifications. Although more adults were interested in the subject they learn of 40%, there was just a 2% difference with those who wanted to gain qualifications, whose portion is 38%. The bar graph dropped drastically from 38% to 22%, as clearly less adults find education themselves is helpful for current job. Additionally, there is a slight decrease to 20% which are the people who wanted to improve prospects of promotion. No change in the proportion of 20% with those who enjoy learning/studying. A sharp drop appears in the part of adults who wanted to be able to change jobs from 20% to 12%. Little reduction in the portion of people who wanted to socialize. On the other hand, the pie chast outlines that exactly one-quarter of costs of each course should be shared by tax payer. As it is presented, nearly one-third of them is the employer. Generally speaking, the largest portion of expenses of every subject goes to individual which is exactly two-fifth.
The
first
chart illustrates the percentages of

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
interests to why they

choose to participate in adult education.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
the second chart demonstrates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's thoughts of how the price of adult education should
be divided
upon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Overall
, the major reasons that drove the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to study
Did you mean "where" or "we"?
were
Did you mean "interested"?
interest
in the subject and to gain qualifications. Although more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
were interested
in the subject they learn of 40%, there was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a 2% difference with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wanted
to gain qualifications, whose portion is 38%.

The bar graph dropped
drastically
from 38%

to 22%, as
clearly
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun adults is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
find education themselves is helpful for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
job.
Additionally
, there is a slight decrease to 20% which are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wanted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
prospects of promotion.

No
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the proportion of 20% with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
enjoy learning/studying. A sharp drop appears in the part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wanted
to be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
jobs from 20% to 12%.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Little
reduction in the portion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wanted
to socialize.

On the other hand
, the pie
Possible spelling mistake found.
chast
outlines that exactly one-quarter of costs of each course should
be shared
by tax payer. As it
is presented
,
nearly
one-third of them is the employer.
Generally
speaking, the largest portion of expenses of every subject goes to

individual which is exactly two-fifth.
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IELTS academic The Results of a Survey of Adult Education.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
221 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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