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The rate of jobless women in each country of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014

The rate of jobless women in each country of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014 53AAm
The bar diagram illustrates rate of jobless women in each country of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014. The bar graph explains that the rate of unemployment in England and in Scotland is higher than the other two countries Wales and northern Ireland which has nearly the same rate in both the years 2013 and 2014. England has the highest rate of female unemployment 6. 8 percentage in 2013. however, it has dropped down to some percent in the year 2014 6. 5% which is still at the greater side. Scotland is the second most country that has large number of jobless women in 2013. Scotland has 6. 1 percentage of unoccupied women and in 2014 the rate increase 6. 7%. both these countries have a bigger unemployment rate. The rate of jobless women in Wales is 5. 4 in 2013 whereas, it came down by 0. 4% in the year 2014 by 5 %. Northern Ireland has slightly similar rate to Wales in 2013 5. 6% which is just 2% more but the rate in Northern Ireland declined to 4. 6% in the year 2014. Hence this shows that unemployment rate in all the four countries in the England varies with some percent in both the years 2013 and 2014. It has only improved by lowering the rate in the year 2014 in Northern Ireland.
The bar diagram illustrates
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rate
of jobless
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women
in each
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country
of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014.

The bar graph
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explains
that the
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rate
of
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unemployment
in England and in Scotland is higher than the other two
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countries
Wales and
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
northern Ireland
which has
nearly
the same
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rate
in both the years 2013 and 2014.

England has the highest
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rate
of female
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unemployment
6. 8 percentage in 2013.
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however
, it has
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dropped down
to
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some
percent in the
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year
2014 6. 5% which is
still
at the greater side. Scotland is the second most
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country
that has large number of jobless
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women
in 2013. Scotland has 6. 1 percentage of unoccupied
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women
and in 2014 the
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rate
increase 6. 7%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
both
these
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countries
have a bigger
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unemployment
rate.

The
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rate
of jobless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in Wales is 5. 4 in 2013 whereas, it came down by 0. 4% in the
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year
2014 by 5 %. Northern Ireland has
slightly
similar
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rate
to Wales in 2013 5. 6% which is
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just
2% more
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but
the
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rate
in Northern Ireland declined to 4. 6% in the
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year
2014.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
this
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shows
that
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unemployment
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rate
in all the four
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countries
in the England varies with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
percent in both the years 2013 and 2014. It has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by lowering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2014 in Northern Ireland.
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IELTS academic The rate of jobless women in each country of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
227 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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