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The rate of births and deaths (line graph)

The rate of births and deaths (line graph) VB3Km
The given graph illustrates the rate of birth and death in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Overall, the rate of change of death and birth have constantly increased since 1901 but becomes a bit stable during some of the last years mentioned in the graph. The rate of births had been normal from 1901 to 1941 but then constantly increased between 1941 and 1981, which was the peak point for rate of births for New Zealand. After 1981, it somewhat started decreasing until it becomes abit steady from 2041 and 2101. Whereas, the death rates too steadily increased till 2021 and then it got boosted changing from 30, 000- 60, 000 till 2021. Then again the death rate becomes steady from 2041 to 2101 with the number of 60, 000.
The
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given
graph illustrates the
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rate
of
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birth
and death in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101.

Overall
, the
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rate
of
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change
of death and
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birth
have
constantly
increased since 1901
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but
becomes a bit stable during
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
last years mentioned in the graph.

The
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rate
of
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births
had been normal from 1901 to 1941
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but
then
constantly
increased between 1941 and 1981, which was the peak point for
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rate
of
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births
for New Zealand. After 1981, it somewhat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
decreasing until it becomes
Possible spelling mistake found.
abit
steady
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 2041 to 2101"?
from 2041 and 2101
.

Whereas, the death
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rates
too
steadily
increased till 2021 and then it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
boosted changing from 30,
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000- 60
, 000 till 2021. Then again the death
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rate
becomes steady from 2041 to 2101 with the number of 60, 000.
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IELTS academic The rate of births and deaths (line graph)

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
131 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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