Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The provided bar chart illustrates the proportion of popular leisure activities, such as sports, computer games, music and shopping among Canadian teenagers.

The provided bar chart illustrates the proportion of popular leisure activities, such as sports, computer games, music and shopping among Canadian teenagers. wOe9Y
The provided bar chart illustrates the proportion of popular leisure activities, such as sports, computer games, music and shopping among Canadian teenagers. In general, it can be clearly observed Canadian boys are addicted to shopping while the least amount of girls are interested in this leisure activity instead. First of all, it is worth mentioning that both male's ​​​​​and female's percentages in the same proportion in music activities, showing almost 20 per cent. Due to the fact  in the terms of shopping interests reached a peak at 35%, while girls shopping represents its lowest point at 5%. Besides that, sports rate outnumbered by 15 per cent in favor of boys. Moreover, there is a slight difference between boys and girls in computer game activities, indicating about 17% and 13% respectively.
The provided bar chart illustrates the proportion of popular leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, such as sports, computer games, music and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
among Canadian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

In general
, it can be
clearly
observed Canadian boys
are addicted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
while the least amount of girls
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
interested in this leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
instead
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is worth mentioning that both
Incorrect plural form; it does not need any apostrophe. Did you mean "males"?
male's
​​​​​and female's percentages in the same proportion in music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, showing almost 20 per cent. Due to the fact
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
in the terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
interests reached a peak at 35%, while girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
represents its lowest point at 5%.

Besides
that, sports rate outnumbered by 15 per cent in favor of boys.
Moreover
, there is a slight difference between boys and girls in computer game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, indicating about 17% and 13%
respectively
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS academic The provided bar chart illustrates the proportion of popular leisure activities, such as sports, computer games, music and shopping among Canadian teenagers.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
130 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts
  • 6.5band
    Trend of using internet by females
    The bar chart provides information about the trends in internet use by females in the USA in the years 2000 and 2001. Overall, the highest female internet users age group is from 16 to 18 in the year 2001. On the other hand, in 2000, the maximum number of female users of the internet age group was ...
  • 6.5band
    the char illustrates amount of money spent on alcohol and drugs
    The given pie chart illustrates the billions of US dollars spent on alcohol and drugs over a period of 17 years. To begin with, it shown in the chart that around $140 billion were spent in 1975 and 1977 and it shot up to over $180 billion spent in 1980, which was the highest on the graph. In additi...
  • 6band
    The presented bar graph compares that Canadian boys and girls opt for 4 variety types of activities ( sport, computer games, music and shopping) as a hobby for their spare time.
    The presented bar graph compares that  Canadian   boys and girls opt for 4 variety types of activities ( sport, computer games, music and shopping) as a hobby for their spare time. As a general trend, there are more boys keen on avocations than  girls. On the one hand, music name of activity which ...
  • 6.5band
    xgrxgfxfxgg vhhtvb yftrtyf xsewdtvnb kbkjb
    The given chart illustrates the percentage of the populations of India, China, the USA, Japan in a period of 50 years. Also, the chart narrates the projections till 2050. Overall, it is clear from the graph that china had the highest proportion of the population in this period of years, but estimate...
  • 5.5band
    the life cycle of a sea salmon
    This diagram provides a clear description of the life cycle of a sea salmon. Overall, there is a total of 7 natural developmental stages taken place, starting with laying eggs in the fresh water and finishing at becoming spawning salmon. To start with, female adult salmon lays eggs in freshwaters l...
  • 5band
    percentage of male and female teachers in six different education centers
    The chart compares the percentage of male and female teachers in different educational settings from nursery school to university. Significant differences between men and women are evident. women held nearly all of the teaching posts in nursery and primary schools and the majority of posts in second...