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The presented bar graph compares that Canadian boys and girls opt for 4 variety types of activities ( sport, computer games,music and shopping) as a hobby for their spare time.

The presented bar graph compares that Canadian boys and girls opt for 4 variety types of activities ( sport, computer games, music and shopping) as a hobby for their spare time. Jwqrk
The presented bar graph compares that  Canadian   boys and girls opt for 4 variety types of activities ( sport, computer games, music and shopping) as a hobby for their spare time. As a general trend, there are more boys keen on avocations than  girls. On the one hand, music name of activity which teenagers like the most. What draws attention in this table  boys outraced girls even in shopping. The amount of  preferring music  as a  precious  free activity  comparises of  the same percentage  both girls  and boys  in Canada, at approximately 19%. Notwithstanding, slightly difference  happenden in the number of boys and girls who like playing computer games just over 15 % of boys and just under 15 % of girls. To be spesific, there is  significant difference in proportion of two genders in shopping. Going shopping is liked by 35 % boys, in comparison to more than 5 per cent girls. In addition, 26% is the number of boys whose  favorite leisure activity is doing sport whilst by the percentage of girls  who like sport  is more than 10%
The presented bar graph compares that
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Canadian
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You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
opt for 4 variety types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
sport, computer games, music and shopping) as a hobby for their spare time.

As a general trend, there are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
keen on avocations than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
 girls
. On the one hand, music name of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
like the most. What draws attention in this table
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
 boys
outraced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
even in shopping.

The amount of
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
preferring music
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as a
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precious
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free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
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Possible spelling mistake found.
comparises
of
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the same percentage
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both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
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and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
in Canada, at approximately 19%. Notwithstanding,
slightly
difference
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Possible spelling mistake found.
happenden
in the number

of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
who like playing computer games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 15 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 15 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
. To be
Possible spelling mistake found.
spesific
, there is
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
significant difference in proportion of two genders in shopping. Going shopping
is liked
by 35 %
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
,
in comparison
to more than 5 per cent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.
In addition
, 26% is the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
whose
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
favorite leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is doing sport whilst by the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
who like sport
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
is more than 10%
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IELTS academic The presented bar graph compares that Canadian boys and girls opt for 4 variety types of activities ( sport, computer games, music and shopping) as a hobby for their spare time.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
180 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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