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The provided bar char compared the four different places where people accessed the Internet from 1998 to 2004.

The provided bar char compared the four different places where people accessed the Internet from 1998 to 2004. 3bWM5
The provided bar char compared the four different places where people accessed the Internet from 1998 to 2004. Overall, it can be observed that throughout the period the Homes were the first priority for public, whereas by every year there was a dropped of using the Internet at the work places. All the data was measured in the percentage and information was collected by every two years. Having an eagle eye on the column graph it is crystal clear that in 1998, the Homes (55%) was the better placed for using the Internet; however, after two years there was 7 % dropped in the used of the Internet. In addition, between 2000 and 2004, the number was jumped nearly 48% to roughly 56%. Moreover, there was a significant decreased of the Internet in the Work placed in 1998, the percentage was approximately 28%, but the number was only 18% by 2004. Moving further, in 2000, the Internet was nearly similarly used in the College 20% and 18% in the Library; nevertheless, 4% rose in the College which was similar to the Work areas in the 2000. Furthermore, by 2002 data shows that accessed of the Internet at Work placed, college an Library were 17%, 19% and 18% respectively, these numbers were three times lower as compared to the Homes.
The provided bar char compared the four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
accessed the Internet from 1998 to 2004.

Overall
, it can
be observed
that throughout the period the Homes were the
first
priority for public, whereas by every year there was a dropped of using the Internet at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
places. All the data
was measured
in the percentage and information
was collected
by every two years.

Having an eagle eye on the column graph it is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that in 1998, the Homes (55%) was the better placed for using the Internet;
however
, after two years there was 7 % dropped in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
of the Internet.
In addition
, between 2000 and 2004, the number
was jumped
nearly
48% to roughly 56%.
Moreover
, there was a significant decreased of the Internet in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
placed in 1998, the percentage was approximately 28%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the number was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
18% by 2004.

Moving
further
, in 2000, the Internet was
nearly
similarly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the College 20% and 18% in the Library;
nevertheless
, 4% rose in the College which was similar to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
areas in the 2000.
Furthermore
, by 2002 data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that accessed of the Internet at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
placed, college
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
Library were 17%, 19% and 18%
respectively
, these numbers were three times lower
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to the Homes.
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IELTS academic The provided bar char compared the four different places where people accessed the Internet from 1998 to 2004.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
219 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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