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The chart above shows information about various professions in the U.K. and their salaries. The table shows the average working hours per week for each profession.

The chart above shows information about various professions in the U. K. and their salaries. The table shows the average working hours per week for each profession. EwqLb
The chart illustrates data on different jobs, as well as their incomes in the United Kingdom. The adjoining table, in turn, contains data for the average working hours for each profession per week. What can be seen from the chart and table is that while underground drivers earn the highest salary, the reverse was true for nurses. In addition to that, the least working hours are linked to drivers per week. In terms of highest figures, the salary of an underground driver is around 50000 at starting and after 3 years, in the meantime the working hours of that per week are 55 which is equal to teacher’s. However, the income of teachers is considerably less than drivers, the figure for them is between 31000 and 32000. With regard to firefighters, Despite of starting with only 40000 euro, after 3-year experience their budgets go up to, approximately, 44 thousand, with sharing leadership for the working hours with teachers at the table. When it comes to the remaining two professions, the salary of nurses fluctuates 15 and 18 thousand within 3 years, whereas that of police is 22 and 23 thousand. Furthermore, It can be deciphered that the gap between working hours of nurse and policeman is narrow. ( 38 and 40 hours, respectively).
The chart illustrates data on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
jobs,
as well
as their incomes in the United Kingdom. The adjoining table, in turn, contains data for the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for each profession per week.

What can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the chart and table is that while underground
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drivers
earn the highest salary, the reverse was true for nurses.
In addition
to that, the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
are linked
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drivers
per week.

In terms of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
figures, the salary of an underground
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driver
is around 50000 at starting and after 3 years, in the meantime the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of that per week are 55 which is equal to teacher’s.
However
, the income of teachers is
considerably
less than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drivers
, the figure for them is between 31000 and 32000. With regard to firefighters,
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
starting with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
40000
Possible agreement error. The noun 'euro' seems to be countable, so consider using: "euros".
euro
, after 3-year experience their budgets go up to, approximately, 44 thousand, with sharing leadership for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
with teachers at the table.

When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the remaining two professions, the salary of nurses fluctuates 15 and 18 thousand within 3 years, whereas that of police is 22 and 23 thousand.
Furthermore
, It can
be deciphered
that the gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of nurse and policeman is narrow.
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
38 and 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
,
respectively
).
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IELTS academic The chart above shows information about various professions in the U. K. and their salaries. The table shows the average working hours per week for each profession.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
213 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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