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the proportions of graduates from Brighton University in 2019 entering different employment sectors

the proportions of graduates from Brighton University in 2019 entering different employment sectors Ax0x
REPORT To: John Bell From: Evelin Volosenkova Subject: the proportions of graduates from Brighton University in 2019 entering different employment sectors Date: 23. 03. 2020 Introduction The pie chart demonstrates the list of Brighton University's 2019 alumni chosen careers, giving the percentages who worked in each of various sectors after graduating university. Current situation Almost half of the students have chosen industry, but the most sought after is service industries that attract more Brighton graduates than any other sector. Politics and public service are the next most popular choices, accounting for nearly a fifth of alumni. Also, one of the favored options are education, transportation and warehousing, and science and technology. The least popular by far is sport, that is all because of the fact that Brighton University is focused more on subjects such as politics, industry and education. Facts After detailed consideration, the fact that careers options in sport, civil services and charity are the most unpopular in the university. On the one hand, university has a huge variety, but, on the other hand, it seems like Brighton students chose only high paid job opportunities and leave interesting and important one behind. Conclusion Overall, Brighton University has a big variety of career opportunities and it makes the university suitable for everyone.
REPORT

To: John Bell

From:
Possible spelling mistake found.
Evelin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Volosenkova


Subject: the proportions of graduates from Brighton
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
in 2019 entering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
employment sectors

Date: 23. 03. 2020

Introduction

The pie chart demonstrates the list of Brighton University's 2019 alumni chosen careers, giving the percentages who worked in each of various sectors after
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduating from".
graduating
university.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Current
situation

Almost half of the students have chosen industry,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the most sought after is service industries that attract more Brighton graduates than any other sector. Politics and public service are the
next
most popular choices, accounting for
nearly
a fifth of alumni.
Also
, one of the favored options are education, transportation and warehousing, and science and technology. The least popular by far is sport,
that is
all
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
Brighton
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
is focused
more on subjects such as politics, industry and education.

Facts

After detailed consideration, the fact that careers options in sport, civil services and charity are the most unpopular in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
has a huge variety,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
on the other hand
, it seems like Brighton students chose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
high paid job opportunities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
interesting and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one behind.

Conclusion

Overall
, Brighton
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
variety of career opportunities and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
suitable for everyone.

IELTS academic the proportions of graduates from Brighton University in 2019 entering different employment sectors

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
212 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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