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the proportion of working age adults in four countries

the proportion of working age adults in four countries oVXWq
The line graph illustrates the percentage of working age adults in four countries between 1960 and 2015, namely France, United States, Japan and Germany. It is clear that the proportion of these countries various significantly. It is also noticeable that the percentage of adults in Japan, Germany and France doing working decreased sharply, while the data for United States no change after fluctuating markedly. In 1960, the proportion of people working in Germany was highest, at around 67%, followed by the figures for Japan, France and United States, at nearly 65%, 62% and 60% respectively. Thirty years later, the percentage of elderly people working in Japan reached the peak of about 70%. Meanwhile, the figures for United States and Germany witnessed sudden rises, ranging from around 66% to 69%, whilst the proportion of the elderly working in France saw a gradual increase. In 2020, people in these countries seemed decrease, with the proportion of senior citizens working in Japan declined significantly, reaching about 58%. In 2050, the data for United States expected to remained unchanged, at roughly 60%, as there was dramatical dip in the figure for France, at approximately 57% and 51%. Whereas the proportions of people working in Japan and Germany are forecasted to drop rapidly in the range of 51% and 55%.
The line graph illustrates the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
age adults in four countries between 1960 and 2015,
namely
France,
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United
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States
,
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Japan
and Germany. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
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proportion
of these countries various
significantly
. It is
also
noticeable that the percentage of adults in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
, Germany and France doing
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working
decreased
sharply
, while the data for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
States
no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
after fluctuating
markedly
.

In 1960, the
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proportion
of
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in Germany was highest, at around 67%, followed by the figures for
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Japan
, France and
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United
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States
, at
nearly
65%, 62% and 60%
respectively
. Thirty years later, the percentage of elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
reached the peak of about 70%. Meanwhile, the figures for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
States
and Germany witnessed sudden rises, ranging from around 66% to 69%, whilst the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of the elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in France
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a gradual increase.

In 2020,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in these countries seemed decrease, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of senior citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
declined
significantly
, reaching about 58%. In 2050, the data for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
States
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
Did you mean "remain"?
remained
unchanged, at roughly 60%, as there was
Possible spelling mistake found.
dramatical
dip in the figure for France, at approximately 57% and 51%. Whereas the proportions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
and Germany
are forecasted
to drop
rapidly
in the range of 51% and 55%.
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IELTS academic the proportion of working age adults in four countries

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
215 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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