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the proportion of the change of tourism in two countries from 1960 to 2010.

the proportion of the change of tourism in two countries from 1960 to 2010. Ky7M9
The given pie charts illustrate the proportion of the change of tourism in two countries from 1960 to 2010. The general overview here is that the majority of tourism in Australia came from The Europe in 1960, While after 50-year Most of tourism came from the Asia but in the Germany the highest amount of tourism came from the Europe throughout the period. As it can be seen from the charts, The amount European People was the most number of tourism in Australia in 1960, accounting for 53% of the total percentage. There was a significant decrease of 43% to 10% in 2010. Similarly, the number of tourism from the Britain and the USA dropped slightly by 5% to 20% and 7%, respectively over the given period, while the number of tourism from Asia rose dramatically by 53% from exactly 10% to 63% after passing 50 years. In contrast, the amount of the Europe tourism was the most number in Germany over passing 50 years, with the figure of 45% in 1960 and 40% in 2010. Moreover, the number of tourism from the USA increased minimally by 4% to 29% in 2010. Likewise, there was a steady rise of the number of the Asia tourism from 10% to 50% after five decade. However, the number of the Britain tourism declined moderately of 14% to 6% over the period observed.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts illustrate the proportion of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
in two countries from 1960 to 2010. The general overview here is that the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
in Australia came from The Europe in 1960, While after 50-year Most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
came from the Asia
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the Germany the highest amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
came from the Europe throughout the period.

As it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the charts, The amount European
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
was the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
in Australia in 1960, accounting for 53% of the total percentage. There was a significant decrease of 43% to 10% in 2010.
Similarly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
from the Britain and the USA dropped
slightly
by 5% to 20% and 7%,
respectively
over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
from Asia rose
dramatically
by 53% from exactly 10% to 63% after passing 50 years.

In contrast
, the amount of the Europe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
was the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
in Germany over passing 50 years, with the figure of 45% in 1960 and 40% in 2010.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
from the USA increased
minimally
by 4% to 29% in 2010.
Likewise
, there was a steady rise of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of the Asia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
from 10% to 50% after five
Possible agreement error. The noun 'decade' seems to be countable, so consider using: "decades".
decade
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of the Britain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
declined
moderately
of 14% to 6% over the period observed.

IELTS academic the proportion of the change of tourism in two countries from 1960 to 2010.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
229 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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